One Long Summer Break
by Kate N. Golsby
Summary: After the season 2 final. Castle tries to move on and Beckett makes a few unanticipated discoveries in his absence. Will her new understanding be enough to re-unite our favorite pair? T to be safe.
1. The Hamptons

**A/N: I know I haven't finished my other story yet, but that is going to take a while and I couldn't get this out of my head. I had to write one after the season 2 final and this will only be about 3 chapters long. Also, I'm still waiting for my sister to read through the next few chapters for 'Changing Tracks'. For now, enjoy. **

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Richard Castle sat on the edge of his desk. He had sent Gina ahead of him, knowing that she would want to disconnect the phones and search his office for anything that was a potential distraction. He had put up a fight over it before, that was a large part of why they had been divorced, but he knew he had to get the book done in order to bring an end to anything that kept one Detective Kate Beckett in his life. His shoulders drooped and the coffee cup beside him had grown cold without as much as a sip taken from its contents. His breathing had calmed significantly in the hour he had spent locked in his study. It was still uneven but not nearly as ragged and he no longer felt as though he was suffocating. His sight, blurred by countless tears, was focussed on the writing board beside his desk.

The screen of the smart board he called a writing board had been filled with the plans for 'Naked Heat' only a day previous. It now displayed the pros and cons in two mind maps he had created to sort through one of the hardest decisions of his life. He had plotted his feelings and the facts equally and had used this as his means of externalising the war he had raging inside him. It had allowed him to clear his mind and visualise what he was fighting, this made it far less frightening, but no less difficult. It had taken hours to convince himself of the rushed decision he had made when finally faced with the burgeoning relationship between Demming and Beckett. Of course he had known it was coming, he had seen it coming for weeks. When he had tried to stand and fight, as he had first decided to do, he had been sabotaged by the very woman whose heart he had been trying to win. She had lied to him. She hadn't so much apologise for lying than for being caught. What hurt the most was that, while he had been trying to prove himself trustworthy, she had abused his trust and not even given it a second thought.

So he had admitted defeat, like she wanted, and was withdrawing. Castle preferred to use terms like 'withdrawing' and 'backing down'; but he knew what he was really doing. Richard Castle, famous novelist and grown man, was running. It was a coward's move, but it was the only option available to him. He wanted Beckett to be happy; his presence at the precinct clearly undermined that. Her excuse for lying had been that she hadn't wanted things to be awkward between them now that she was with Mister Wonderful. The very fact that she knew it would make things awkward told him, loud and clear, that she was well aware of his feelings for her, but that she didn't reciprocate them and never would. Beckett had made her choice and it wasn't him. He made himself accept her right to make that decision.

His acceptance, however, did not mean that he had to like it. Every time he saw them together a sharp pain stabbed through his chest only to be quickly replaced by a sense of emptiness. It seemed that her every smile was for Demming and he was lucky to get a half hearted lift of the lips out of pity. He didn't want any pity smiles. For every pity smile or testament to her decision his heart would break and little would be lost in reconstruction. He had to get out, to save what little of himself he had left. He had given her his heart, had put his career in jeopardy to spend his days with her, in short he had given her his life; and she had stolen it away. If he was going to retain anything of himself he had to get out now. The thought of leaving her behind was not an easy one, it was killing him actually, but it was necessary, so he once more soaked in the mind map set out on his board and reminded himself that it was the right thing to do.

Finally, re-convinced, Castle breathed a heavy sigh and hauled himself up off his desk. He grabbed the large travel bag he had previously packed and headed out to his car. He knew what he would write once he picked up his laptop in the morning. He would write Rook out of Nikki's life, just as he had written himself out of Beckett's. Only this time it would be done properly and irrevocably permanent. He spent the car trip thinking of the best way to do just that.

By the time he arrived at his beach house he had sorted through the endless ideas and decided on the best way to remove his fictional alter-ego. He would kill him. It was going to be a simple murder and one that was no real stretch of the imagination. Rook would walk in on a home invasion crew working over his apartment. It was a common enough occurrence and given Rook's celebrity status his apartment would naturally draw a lot of attention from people in those circles. He would be just another victim of a crew Nikki had been closing in on. It was a simple solution and wouldn't require him to spend too much time thinking about what was essentially his own murder.

With those thoughts swimming around in his mind Castle dragged himself, bag and all, up the stairs and into his room. He didn't bother changing before collapsing onto his bed and falling asleep. His sleeping mind was tormented by images of murder, violence and chaos. His last dream was one he had not had in years. _He was backstage at another of his mother's shows. She had told him to stay close by the dressing room doors, but he was bored. He had seen this play five times already and while he liked to see his mother work, it wasn't one of her funnier scenes. He usually wrote fun little plays during this time but his mother had been rushed off to the stage before she had given him any paper or a pencil. He was ten years old and felt more than capable of finding his own way back in time that his mother wouldn't even know he had wondered around. He didn't care where he walked as long as he was moving. He found himself wondering down a dark corridor where no one ever seemed to go. He wasn't scared of the dark anymore. His mother had promised that the dark couldn't hurt him and after a few years of putting that to the test he had grown to know the truth of that. He pushed along down the corridor and was reaching out toward the door at the end when he tripped over something. He landed in some sort of warm, wet, sticky patch. He couldn't see what it was that he had landed in or what he had tripped on. It was too dark. He groped around for something to steady himself on so he didn't slip in the ever expanding pool of liquid. He found his way back out of the corridor as his mother came around the corner looking for him._

"_Richard! Where have you-?" Her voice was cut off as he stepped into the light of the overhead lamp. "Oh my God! Richard! Are you okay? Where does it hurt?" She had begun to look him over frantically. He looked at her confused for a moment then he looked down at himself and saw the blood that covered him from head to toe. He screamed. It was all he could do. He had seen this red stuff when he had cut himself on any number of his adventures; it came out of people when they were hurt. Who ever this blood had come from they had been hurt badly. _

_He had cried for a while in his mother's arms and then showed her and a few other people who had gathered around them where he had fallen into the blood. When the light came on he saw her. A woman in her mid twenties, brown hair, pale skin, wearing what looked like it had been a simple white summer dress but was now stained red. He vaguely saw several holes where the knife, which now protruded from her chest, had been inserted and removed. Her eyes were open and staring straight at him, right into his soul. She had been afraid and that fear now transferred into him. He wanted to run and bury himself in his mother's arms but he couldn't look away. There was a darkness there that even the numerous lights couldn't shift. In that moment Richard Castle had regained his fear of the dark. _

Castle woke up before the sun had broken from behind the horizon. He was sweating and could once more feel the sticky warmth of the blood covering his body. The sickening taste of blood tainted his mouth. He ran to the bathroom that adjoined his bedroom and promptly threw up into the toilet. He clung to the bowl for a while before having a hot shower in an attempt to clean away the memory of his first introduction to the evils of humanity.

Gina had his coffee ready for him when he arrived in the kitchen. She looked at him a moment. "You had that nightmare again, didn't you?" He shouldn't have been surprised that she remembered about his recurring nightmare and the truth behind it, but he was. "I thought you stopped having that while we were married?"

"I thought so too. I guess it's true, you can't escape the past… But enough about the negatives… I'll use it to my advantage, I've done it before, and I can do it again." He smiled at her then disappeared to write. He stayed in there until the first draft was finished. The sun was rising on the fourth day by the time he emerged from his office and handed his editor the manuscript. "Enjoy." Was all he said before going back to bed, his eyes were bloodshot and he was exhausted. He barely made it to his bed in time to pass out safely. He had slept briefly in his chair while writing; sometimes he wouldn't notice he had been falling asleep until he woke up again.

Gina was a very thorough editor, she would correct spelling and grammar mistakes, mistakes in the sentence structure, misuse of words (which was very rare but even the best slip up sometimes) and she would make notes on anything she felt should be reworded, was too repetitive, needed clarification or simply didn't seem to get the message across clearly. When she had finished with the first draft she sat down with him, explained her notes and gave him feedback, then she sent him back into his study to make the alterations.

They went through this process so many times that he could barely stand to look at his work anymore. It was already a month into the summer and he had only managed to get outside when she was reading over his work. He grew irritable when all he had heard for the month was what was wrong with his work, what he had failed to communicate to her standards, how he wasn't listening to her and how he had been ignoring her as a woman. He also grew annoyed at the attitude she had acquired. Nothing he could do was ever good enough and the phrase "…see this is why our marriage failed…" came up more often than not. She seemed to be constantly snapping at him for one reason or another and fights broke out between them every time they spoke, except when it was business.

When the final draft was complete he breathed a sigh of relief. He still had two months to enjoy the sun shine before he had to return to the city for his daughter. He wasn't sure if he would be sufficiently unwound from his month with Gina by the time he would face the inevitable frustration of his daughter at the omission of his companion's identity. He would never return to the 12th Precinct if he had any say in the matter, he was certain of that. Gina hadn't been gone two minutes and his mind was already going back to Beckett and Demming. Castle whacked himself on the head with his palm, frustrated with his inability to tame his own mind. He needed to clear his head. The method that had proved most useful in the past, besides writing, had been to get out of the house. So that's what he did.

Castle spent the next two months swimming in the ocean, running along the beach, returning himself to his previous level of fitness and working his way into the hearts of the women he met at local parties held by himself and his neighbors. He had lived an active lifestyle before he had met Beckett and that alone had kept him in shape, but since he started following her he had spent most of his time in the passenger seat of a car, by her desk, interviewing witnesses and trying to write. He had let his physical condition slip and had fallen out of practice in charming any woman he came across. It was time to correct that mistake. Richard Castle was known as a man who could charm his way into and out of any situation, so if he was to truly recover himself he needed to get those things back.

That's exactly what he did. Only this time Castle hated himself for the very things he had once been proud of. It had always been a mask he wore for the public, but at least in the beginning he had enjoyed it. Now that he knew what it was like to live a life based in reality and he despised who he had been and who he was again becoming. He couldn't see any other way to be. It was all or nothing with the public. You were either the 'playboy' all the women wanted or you were the down to earth nobody. There was nothing and nobody waiting for him down the road of reality; he knew his way around the clouds and at least as a shallow 'playboy' he would have the fans for however long it lasted. So he would live out an empty life, writing things that people didn't really care about and having meaningless relationships that were doomed to go nowhere from the start.

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**TBC**


	2. An Important Phone Call

Disclaimer: I own nothing and this story is for fun, I get no profits for this.

**Chapter 2: _An Important Phone Call_**

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Kate Beckett couldn't remember how she came to be huddled in a ball on the familiar couch in Lanie's apartment. She didn't much care. She was numb to all except the ache that filled her chest and the stinging of her eyes as tear after tear tore free. The world around her didn't exist; all that was real was her pain and the knowledge that the man who had stolen her heart was out there somewhere, in the arms of another woman. The worst part was that it wasn't just some other woman; it was his ex-wife, a woman to whom he had already shown a level of commitment.

Kate had no idea if she would ever see Richard Castle again, she didn't even know if she wanted to. So, that was a lie, she would admit that to herself but not out loud. Kate needed to see him again; she couldn't imagine not seeing him everyday. The summer break would be too long as it was, but to live the rest of her life looking across at his empty chair, only seeing him on the cover of a magazine, in the papers or on the dust jacket of a book, the thought sent a fresh wave of despair through her body.

She hadn't lied when she told him that he made her job fun, that she had grown used to him pulling her pigtails, or even when she admitted that she wanted him there when she found the one responsible for her mother's murder. Kate couldn't bring herself to say it at the time, but he had made her every day easier to face. She wondered; had she told him then would he have left? What would have happened if only she had come straight out and told him what she was thinking when she realised the depth of her feelings for him and he had seen the smile it brought to her face?

Had she misread his feelings for her? If she had, how could everyone she worked with have made the same mistake? Kate cursed her lack of ability to read him with the same ease he read her. Who could ever really know what the author was thinking or feeling? If anyone could it would be his family, Martha and Alexis. Kate had grown to know the two most important women in the man's life quite well, especially during the short time she had stayed at his place. Unbidden memories flowed through her mind. One of her favourites was when he had refused to leave her alone and, despite his own vulnerability, had been determined to protect her from a serial killer. She could see him in her mind, making pancakes the morning after, bed hair and all. Another was when he brought her all kinds of take away food and was preparing to leave, all because he was afraid that he had crossed some line in their relationship. He had been so sincerely afraid of hurting her that the memory brought a smile to her face despite her pain. The smile was gone as soon as it had come. How had they gone from that to nothing at all? She had to know if he cared for her still, if he maybe even loved her. She would wait until fall. Martha and Alexis would be busy until then and if he was still the man-child he had been throughout most of the time she had known him he would show up at the precinct the moment he arrived back in town. Until then, she would do what she had always done best, bury herself in work.

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Before they had met Kate had subscribed to Castle's website, she received the newsletter every time one was sent out. She had considered unsubscribing and removing her account but quickly realised that that very action would be the one to alert him to her user identity. She wasn't sure if that was working in her favour or against her when she received an email announcing the publication date for 'Naked Heat'. Kate had been following his work long enough to know that they wouldn't release the date unless the book was finished and approved. It was one month into the summer and that meant there was a good chance that he would come back to the city sooner than expected…unless he was having too much fun with his blonde Barbie of an ex-wife. That thought twisted the knife that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in her heart and put her in a sour mood for the rest of the day. She had done a fairly good job of hiding her pain until that point.

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As Kate rose from her chair in preparation for taking her lunch break her phone rang. "Beckett,"

"Detective Beckett, it's Alexis Castle."

"Alexis, I've asked you to call me Kate."

"Sorry, Kate… Have you spoken to my dad?"

That was definitely not what Kate had expected to hear. "No, why?"

Kate heard the teenager swallow over the phone. "It's just that he…I'm worried, Kate. He won't tell me anything about what he's doing in the Hamptons in his emails; all he does is ask about how I am and if I need him to kill any of the boys in my dorm. He won't pick up the phones at the cottage or at home and I think his mobile is turned off."

"But he's been emailing you…I'm sure he's fine, Alexis." She tried to give the girl confidence she wasn't so sure she felt.

"That's what I told myself until I found out the book was finished and he hadn't told me that, let alone the fact that he hadn't told me about what he was writing." Kate could tell that Alexis was working herself into a panic, but she had to admit that what she was hearing sounded nothing like the Castle she knew, he would never block out Alexis. "He always tells me what he's writing, _especially_ when he adds a new character."

That last part took Kate by surprise. When had a new character come into the mix? "A new character…? He didn't mention any new character to me…"

"Really? He's been working on him for a little while now. I won't say anything in case Dad wants it to be a surprise or something…but that's just my point, he's not acting like himself. I'll be the first to say that my dad is not like other dads but he isn't a workaholic and the only reason he doesn't answer his phone is if he's avoiding someone, usually Gina or so caught up in work that he wouldn't notice an ice cube being slipped down the back of his shirt. His book's finished, so he's not working and Gina only calls if he's late with an alimony payment or missed a deadline. Besides he has caller ID on his mobile, so he could just ignore her."

"Alexis, your father went to the Hamptons with Gina, I'm sure he knows it's not her calling."

"He did _what_?" Beckett pulled the phone away from her ear to avoid going deaf at the intensity of the scream. "I'm going to kill him…I really think I will this time. No wonder he wouldn't tell me who he had asked. I thought it was you, so I let it go when he told me she'd said no." The girl was fuming and so Kate couldn't hold her entirely responsible for her words, she knew she wasn't going to kill anyone, but she wouldn't deny that it felt good to hear that he wasn't going to get away with breaking her heart, even if they never knew that was what he had done. "No wonder he hated my joke so much!"

"Wait, what joke?" Kate suddenly wasn't so happy with the way this conversation was going. Alexis had thought she had been going with her father on a vacation and she had made a joke…no, she didn't like this one bit.

"I said that I wasn't the only one getting lucky this summer. He totally freaked out." Kate felt herself blush furiously; she had to have asked, she thought. After a moment's silence Alexis continued. "Sorry, Kate… I thought it was funny at the time." She could hear the girl wincing over the phone.

Pushing the thought that Castle's daughter had even considered the possibility of her and Castle sleeping together, however disturbing that thought was, to the back of her mind she moved on with the conversation. "It's okay Alexis…now, why don't we get back on topic? I'm sure if something was wrong with your father he would have called you or at least mentioned it in an email."

"That's just it. Normally if something was wrong, he'd call, just like normally he'd make sure I was one of the first to know his book was finished or tell me what was going to happen with the characters. Normally he wouldn't spend five minutes alone in a building with Gina, let alone an entire summer. This isn't his normal behaviour, Kate." Alexis was pleading for Kate to understand her point of view and Kate was tired of trying to convince Alexis of something she didn't even really believe.

"Okay, Alexis, so your Dad isn't himself and yes, it may mean that something's not right, but what do you want me to do about it? If he's not answering for you why would he answer for me?"

"He wouldn't, but I don't want you to call him for me, I had a slightly bigger favour to ask of you." Alexis sounded unsure of how to continue but determined none the less. Kate had a feeling she was about to say yes to something she'd regret.

"I'm not driving out to the Hamptons to kidnap your father." Well, she had to draw a line somewhere and there was no way Alexis was going to go that far, she hoped, because if she did Kate Beckett would have to cave on her own boundary. That was the curse of the Castles, they could make her do almost anything if they really tried, like father like daughter. Alexis was the harder of the two to resist, she was like some kind of super Castle or something. Kate hated knowing that she was completely at their mercy but there was nothing she could do about it.

Alexis' giggle was reassuring there was a moment, when she said that, that she had been convinced that was exactly what Alexis was going to ask. "Don't worry, Kate, I'm not going to ask a Police officer to kidnap someone… I'm not my dad." They shared a brief laugh. "But what I want to ask you does involve a drive…"

"What is it, Alexis?" Kate was nervous now that the apprehension in Alexis' voice was clear.

"I want you to come and get me. I know it's out of your way and you're very busy but I want to go home." Alexis spoke so fast that Kate had to really focus to understand what she said.

"Alexis…" Kate wasn't exactly sure what she was going to say.

"Please, Kate."

"Alexis, why do you want to come home? What's going on that you're not telling me?" Kate knew she was about to fold and she hated it, but what she hated more was the fact that Alexis was on her own, clearly unhappy, miles away from anything familiar and Castle wasn't even trying to help.

Alexis heard the concern in Kate's voice and felt the dam gates break on her emotions. "I just want to go home. I want to be able to see Grams whenever I need to. I want things to go back to the way they were when I was little, before Dad started to shut me out and when I was blissfully ignorant of a world without having Dad right beside me, giving me hugs every morning and night and making smiley face pancakes and waffles when I'm feeling down or just for the fun of it…" Alexis sighed heavily. "The people here are fun and nice and all, but all they want to do is party and they can't have a serious conversation that doesn't involve members of the opposite sex or name dropping. It's ridiculous. I miss sitting with Dad for hours, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. I miss fencing and playing laser tag. I miss my room and his study. I'm going to be having to live without all that soon enough, I don't want to waste the time I have left… Please, Kate."

Kate was shocked by the overwhelming flood of emotions coming from the girl on the other end of the line. It was so easy to forget that Alexis was only a teenager, she had always acted so mature, she seemed like an adult in a child's body and that made it almost impossible for Kate to remember that she was really just a child and that she shouldn't have to deal with the cares of the adult world. Suddenly she realised the obvious truth that the bond she had admired between Castle and his daughter was a two sided one. Castle worried about and missed his daughter constantly when she wasn't around; Kate had dismissed it as over protective parenting and as him missing his excuse for childish behaviour, now she knew that Alexis felt the same about her father. Alexis was all Castle had and he was all she had. Guilt flared in her as Kate realised she had taken him away from Alexis for late night paperwork or brainstorming and had put an unneeded stress on their relationship. It was a wonder to her that Alexis didn't resent her for the fact. "Have you spoken to your father about this? He won't be home when you get there."

"No, I tried, but like I said he won't answer the phones and his emails are so distant I've been tempted to pretend some guy broke my heart just so I can see him when he comes to kill the poor guy." It saddened Kate to see how desperate the girl had become to see her father but it also made her even more enraged with the man responsible for both of their heartache. At the same time Kate's word choice was noticed by Alexis. "Wait, when? You mean you'll do it?"

Knowing that she was once again being suckered in by a Castle Kate answered. "That depends; don't I have to have your dad's permission to sign you out?"

"You do. He listed you as an emergency contact and authorised you as a legal guardian if anything happened to him. He did it when we first put in the application, he thought he was cursed at the time, or something like that."

"Oh," Kate didn't know what to say, she had agreed to look out for Alexis if something had happened to Castle during the mummy case but she hadn't realised that he had meant it to the extent of a legal guardian. She was once again speechless at the thought of how much he had entrusted to her, but she was confused about how he could walk away the way he had if he was willing to put his daughter in her care. "Sure, I'll take the rest of the afternoon off, I have plenty of personal and vacation days; it won't be a problem. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Thanks, Kate. See you then." They hung up and Kate made her way to the Captain's office to let him know what she was doing.

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**A/N: I know this has taken an unacceptable amount of time, but you'll have to forgive me, life gets in the way of the best plans. Also, I'd like to acknowledge that another story on this site, 'Daughter for a Summer', the author hallow777 gave me the inspiration I needed for Alexis' reason to get Kate to pick her up, it's vital to the rest of the story I have planned and I was struggling with it for a good while there. So thank you hallow777. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the next will be better though, I promise.**


	3. To Snoop or Not to Snoop?

Kate and Alexis had both tried to contact Castle several times after leaving Princeton. As had become his habit he had not answered. They left a number of messages on his phone hoping that he would at least check them. Eventually they settled for calling Martha. As it turned out Martha was well aware of her son's self imposed isolation. She had tried to call him herself after Alexis had first expressed concern.

"You mean you know that your son won't answer phone and isn't himself, yet you're not even slightly concerned?" Kate was indignant, how could any mother not be worried about her son given all the evidence they had. She and Alexis had met up with Martha at Castle's loft. Martha would be staying with Alexis for the rest of the summer break and had arrived at the same time as her granddaughter and the Detective. While she would be busy with her play for the most part it was still better than leaving the teenager on her own.

"Kate, dear, if there's one thing I've learned about dealing Richard Castle it's when to leave him alone." Recognizing the need to argue in Kate's eyes she pressed on. "I don't pretend to know my son's thoughts, but let's put this into perspective, take Ryan, he's the more emotional of your two colleagues if my read on him was correct," At Kate's nod she continued. "Well, if Ryan and Jenny had a fight and it started to effect his work, he wasn't finishing reports or was leaving out important details, you'd talk to him wouldn't you?" Again Kate nodded. She couldn't provide more of a response as she struggled to make the connection between the two scenarios, firstly she and Castle hadn't been in a romantic relationship or had a fight, secondly, she was certain that she had no real effect on Castle's work, regardless of what he told the tabloids. "Now, say you've spoken to him and he's tried to fix things, but every time he tries to talk to Jenny about it she or someone who's opinion means a lot to him shoots him down, telling him that it's all his fault, his job is getting between them and he has to choose. It's gotten to the point where he truly believes that he will have to decide between the woman he loves or his career, perhaps the very thing that defines who he is." Martha gave Kate a moment to think through the picture she had just painted for her. " There is no question that he would keep his job, he's a Detective through and through. He would hate leaving Jenny, but he can't change who he is that much as quickly as he's being asked to. Even if he could, the question remains does she really love him or just the idea of him...? Any one would need to retreat for a while after making a decision like that. Why then is it so hard to believe that my Richard would need to do the same?" Kate opened her mouth to explain the distinctions she had made to herself at the start of this line of conversation but was cut off. "I know, Detective, that you two were not romantically involved. However, Richard never made a secret of his affection for you, though I doubt he realised how deep those feelings ran until recently..." Martha waited for Alexis to disappear up stairs into her room to unpack before continuing. "This may not have been the sole reason for his behavior, but I have no doubt it played a part."

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They were headed up to Alexis' room to look through her photos from Princeton as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Alexis ran down the stairs two at a time and flung the door open. "Charlie!" The elderly door man from down stairs was standing at their front door holding a large box that looked quite heavy.

"Miss. Alexis, either you've grown a lot since leaving for Princeton or I've started shrinking." Alexis beamed at him.

"Come on in. Can I get you a drink?"

"No, thank you, sweetheart, I've got to get back and start my shift. I just wanted to bring this up for you as Mr. Rick's away and I don't think it's right that you should haul it all the way up here yourself."

"Oh, well thank you, Charlie. That's very considerate of you. You can just leave it there, we'll find a place to put it in a minute." The man did as she asked and they exchanged a brief hug and she thanked him again before he left. Martha found herself examining the box when Kate came into the entry room. "It's from Black Pawn, my guess is it's the advanced copies of 'Naked Heat'." She said to no one in particular. "It seems bigger than usual."

"How many does he usually get?" Kate was a little taken a back by the size of the box, she had expected that he would only get one or two advanced copies, not a whole box.

"Three or four. One for his study, one or two for the people helping his research, in this case you, and one to auction off for his favorite charity 'Kids Need to Read'... Perhaps they put his fan mail in there as well, he hasn't been around to pick it up in a while." Alexis nodded, clearly as puzzled as her grandmother but willing to accept her suggestion.

"Maybe we should put it in his study? Give him a surprise when he gets home." Alexis suggested hopefully. She didn't like not knowing what was going on with her father, it just felt wrong.

"I'll do it." It was Kate who spoke this time. When the other women looked at her questioningly she explained her offer. "Didn't you want to show your Grandmother something, Alexis?"

The girl's eyes brightened as she remembered the small box of souvenirs and photos she had been showing Kate on the trip back into the city that now lay on her bed. "Okay, thanks, Kate. Just drop it by his desk and come join us, you didn't get to look at some of the photos properly and I really want to show you."

"Sure thing, Alexis." She smiled at the young girl and watched them race up the stairs chatting away before picking up the box and heading off to Castle's office.

* * *

The room was dark, even the exposed window provided little light through the evening storm that had sprung up outside. Despite the lack of illumination Kate could see sheets of paper strewn across the desk and the ground around it. Entire chapters worth of pages lay crumpled in and near the bin. Kate hadn't been in this office often but on the occasions she had it was fairly clean and orderly. This didn't seem to fit with what she knew of Castle and his working habits. Though it had surprised her at first she knew he required some semblance of order and structure to work at his best. She accidentally knocked the box against the desk with enough forced to move his computer mouse as she lowered the box to the ground.

Kate jumped in surprise as she was startled by the sudden lighting up of Castle's plot board. She berated herself for being so jumpy and began to turn away but was stopped as the headings registered in her mind. 'Pros and Cons'. '_Pros and cons of what?_' Kate was a Detective, it was naturally ingrained in her to be curious. Call it a character defect but she couldn't help herself from solving any puzzle put before her, or at least trying her hardest to do just that. It was one of the things that made her excel in her career. So she read what was written. He had mapped it out so that it was as plain as day, there could be no confusion as to the purpose of these mind maps. Detective Kate Beckett had just been granted a rare insight into the author's thoughts and feelings. She felt awkward reading such personal thoughts, almost like she was violating some trust, but she couldn't bring herself to look away once she had started. Things began to fall into place in her mind. Small changes in his behavior began to make sense and snippets of their conversations over the last few weeks of working together clicked in her mind. He hadn't been moving on to bigger and better things, he had been running away... and she had let him. The last part of that thought brought a bitter taste to her mouth. All the signs had been there, she just hadn't been paying attention. The cold realisation that everything she had feared had happened because she let her fear dictate her actions knocked the air from her lungs. She reread everything on the board, only then noticing the underlining of one point. 'No Trust'. Kate felt the world go cold around her. _He didn't trust her? Or did he think that she didn't trust him?_ After working together for so long she had thought they had a pretty trusting relationship. He trusted her with his daughter's care, that in itself was the greatest declaration of trust he could give, she knew that, but she knew that he was aware of how hard it was for her to trust anyone and so the very fact that she had told him so much about her past and had asked him to back her up when she had gone in after Scott Dunn should have made it clear that she trusted him. She was unsure of how to take this new revelation. In some ways this should give her hope, but for the most part it just plain hurt her to see the pain she had caused the man who had become her best friend. Knowing that she would need evidence when she finally confronted him, which she had no doubt she would, Kate printed what was on the screen.

As she placed the now folded papers into her bag Martha entered the room. "Is everything okay, kiddo? Oh." She stopped abruptly at the sight of the lit screen and disheveled office. "That's strange, Richard never leaves that on. He likes to keep his work private until it's published." Looking to the Detective momentarily as she explained his reasons she noticed the strange expression on Kate's face, so she looked back to see what was so alarming to her. "Oh, that's not 'Naked Heat'." She read over what her son had written and understanding dawned on her after the first few lines. "Well, that certainly explains a lot."

"What do you mean? What does it explain?" Kate hated the neediness in her own voice but put that thought off while she waited for the woman to explain further.

"Richard never told me what had happened between you two. I assumed you had had a fight or he had done something stupid again. I never suspected it was because he was jealous." Even after everything Kate found it hard to think of Castle as jealous of anything or anyone. "He's not had to deal with that in a long time, except maybe briefly when Kyra Blaine came back into the picture, but nothing like this...not to mention the fact that he lost."

"He lost? How can you lose a competition you never entered?" Kate wasn't sure where that had come from, she was angry at him and at herself for not making the move they had both been so desperate to make without realizing it until it was too late, she knew now that he had tried, not particularly hard, but under the circumstances she didn't have to try very hard to understand why he left.

"Kate, Richard Castle, the famous novelist and ladies man extraordinaire actually used the words 'I'm' and 'sorry' in the same sentence, for you. If that doesn't show his interest I don't know what could." She was right and both women knew it. There was a not uncomfortable silence as both women thought over the events that led them to where they were now.

Eventually Kate broke the silence after realizing that the circles in which her mind was going would lead her nowhere. "What am I supposed to do, Martha? I can't just show up and tell him that I want him to come back, that I don't like it when he's with other women and that maybe I just might miss him when he's gone. He's in the Hamptons, with his ex-wife. He chose her." Her voice trailed away as she was once again confronted with the mental image of Castle's tender smile, a smile she longed to be on the receiving end of, being drawn out as he looked to the petite blonde woman in his arms.

"What choice did he have, Dear? You've read what's written on that board as well as I. What up there indicates he felt anything but cornered? It was a show for your benefit as much as anyone else's." She looked the Detective in the eye, making sure she took on board what she was saying and the implications it had for her. "And as for Gina, I always liked her, but not as a daughter-in-law, she's very good at what she does and always takes my advice when planning Richard's parties. We've actually been meeting over lunch every now and then for the past few weeks, organizing the guest list, location and the catering."

Kate didn't know how to respond to this new information or what it meant exactly for her. Martha liked Gina, but more than that, Martha and Gina were having meals together. She suddenly wondered if Martha was really the ally she had pegged her for or not. All she could say was, "You must be close if she'd drive all the way from the Hamptons for lunch, but couldn't Castle help with the planning?"

"Oh, dear, you really don't get it do you?" When the only response she got was a quizzical look from the Detective she shook her head sadly. "I suppose I'll have to spell it out for you, you're just like Richard sometimes. They aren't together, Kate. Gina's been back in New York since the book was finished, a month ago. They haven't been able to be alone together for anything but work since they were married. Too many painful memories if you ask me." Shocked, Kate just st down against the desk and looked into space. Asking herself the same questions over and over, getting no answers she turned to the woman who seemed to have them all.

"Why isn't he back then? Why won't he answer his phones or talk to his daughter? If he's finished the book and there's no one and nothing to keep him there, why didn't he come back early?"

A sad smile gripped the diva's features as she leaned back against the desk next to Kate. "Because he's doing what he does best..." She took a deep, slow breath and let it escape her slowly before continuing. "People think that your heart is guarded, and perhaps it is, but even you have nothing on the master of the macabre." Kate couldn't help but snort a little at the absurdity of the thought, even then she could see Castle's face expressing his every flippant emotion and thought. He was an open book when it came to his heart. As she thought it though, she realised that just maybe there was merit to what Martha was saying, after all it did take her over a year to realise that she held a place in his heart, however small. "Scoff all you want, Dear, but that doesn't change the truth of the matter. I know you see my son as an overgrown man-child with far too much money and influence to toy with, but do you really think that he could make it a a public figure without learning a few political tricks? My boy was the focus of a lot of attention from the time he was little. First it was because of my career and the society we had to keep. When he was in Junior High he became involved in the student council and was popular in a number of school and external clubs. Richard was Class President for his senior year as well as President of the literary and dramatic clubs. He even went so far as to join the school football team and was the star quarterback for a short time until a concussion took him out of the big game of the season. He has always been quite adapt at showing the world what he wants them to see. Kyra came and left around the time he had his first bestseller, he didn't have any trouble with the tabloids then, he was just a flash in the pan to them, that was until they got wind of the up and coming celebrity's heartbreak, which seems to be what everyone wants to read about. His sanity relied on his ability to hide behind a mask. Richard found the mask that would be most effective, and that is how the man-child came to be. He can be fun and immature, he has a good sense of humour, but the truth is that he knew no one would look too deeply into an egotistical, rich, playboy with no depth or substance to him at all." She stood and walked to the door looking back over her shoulder as she went. "Shall we go up stairs and reminisce with Alexis some more?"

"Actually, I think I'll say good night, I have to get back to the precinct in the morning and have a lot to think about before then."

Martha smiled at her, a warm smile once more. "Very well, Kate, I hope you figure out what you want before he get back, or you may be easily swayed by something you probably should discount. Oh, and by the way, when he does get back, be prepared for the performance of a lifetime."

* * *

**T.B.C...**

**A/N**:I know, it's taking a while nut this has taken on a life of it's own and while I only ever meant for this to be a couple of chapters at most it looks like it will be a bit longer than that. Don't worry followers of 'Changing Tracks' the next chapter will be up when my sister gives it back to me. :)


	4. Misdirected Efforts

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

* * *

Chapter 4: **Misdirected Efforts**

Richard Castle closed his eyes and clenched his stomach. He wanted to be sick. His entire body demanding he purge himself of the memories of what he had just done and where he was. He took a deep breath before looking at the woman curled against his side. He couldn't stand it. He pried himself out from under her arm as carefully as he could without waking her. When he was out of the bed he pulled on his boxers and walked down to his office. It was almost autumn and there was a slight chill creeping into the air but he didn't care. The cold would help to keep him from emptying his stomach.

Rick had settled into a routine that despite weeks of practice still caused him some trouble. He would sleep and work out in the afternoon, party all night, every night, arrive home or at someone else's home with a celebutante or fan girl hanging off of him, they would find themselves in the bedroom and have meaningless sex, then, once the woman had fallen asleep he would sneak out and work on his new book. Each time this routine repeated itself he would have an internal battle that he had grown skilled at masking for the sake of his name. Whenever he felt a woman's lips on his he would think of a certain New York City Detective and found himself wanting to push the woman away from him, instead he pulled them closer, forcing his thoughts to the back of his mind. He grew to hate himself a little more each time but he used that anger to push himself into the arms of yet another woman each night. He hated himself for what he was doing, for having lost his chance with a wonderful and 'real' woman with a brain, but even more so he hated that he had allowed himself to fall in love once again. He had sworn to never let it happen again after each failed relationship, yet here he was once more. The only saving grace in this situation, as far as he was concerned, was that he had found out how little he meant to her before confessing his feelings. For that alone he was grateful to Demming.

Once he was hidden away in his office he picked up his laptop and opened his word document to the chapter he was working through. Rick had made the mistake of signing for a minimum of three Nikki Heat books with his publisher Black Pawn. The idea of writing about Nikki only caused the turning of his stomach to intensify but the cold morning air distracted his senses enough to keep his nausea under control. 'Primal Heat' was to be the last Nikki Heat book despite Black Pawn's insistence after having received the first ten chapters in quick succession over a month prior to the first deadline and approving them all. While it was painful for Rick to write about Nikki he had to admit that this book was already proving to be his best yet, at least as far as the actual mystery was concerned, but the lacking of depth to Nikki's character in this book was easily forgiven as it was, after all, a murder mystery not a romance. Besides, he had always intended for Nikki to be somewhat slutty and now she was, well, at the start anyway. After all, who wouldn't call it a little slutty to randomly sleep with a good looking coworker just because she could. That particular morning he was writing a chapter that furthered Nikki's relationship with Schlemming into that of a friend's with benefits status, the fact that they now considered each other friends helped her image a little more as he knew his readers would be up in arms about the main character suddenly becoming overly slutty and staying that way.

Using his late night or early morning, he wasn't sure which wording was more appropriate, activities as inspiration for many of the scenes between Heat and Schlemming the chapter didn't take him long to write from start to finish. Once Rick had read over it once or twice he emailed it off to his editor and found that he had several new messages in his in box. Shrugging he opened them in chronological order. The first was from Alexis, while he longed to talk to his daughter and hear her voice he knew that she would want to know what he had been doing with his time and he couldn't bring himself to face her disappointment in him, so he sent a brief message telling her that he was well, he missed her and that he hoped she was having a good time at Princeton. There was nothing in her message to suggest anything was wrong.

The next couple were also from Alexis, each one reading more and more urgent in her concern for him, yet he still couldn't bring himself to make the phone call leaving him the only option of messaging her to tell her that he was well and that she shouldn't worry about him. After that was one from Beckett, he couldn't read it, he recognised that he desperately wanted to hear from her and that he would go running back to her if her message gave even the slightest inclination that she missed him or cared that he wasn't by her side, and that was exactly why he couldn't bring himself to even open it, so he deleted the message without so much as reading the subject line. Then there was another from Alexis telling him that she had asked Kate to pick her up from Princeton early, that nothing was wrong but she was homesick and that Kate would be sending him a message telling him the same thing. At first he was concerned but her declaration of home sickness was enough to put his mind at ease, besides, while Beckett didn't like him she clearly still had some affection for his daughter and she was a reliable sort of person so he relaxed. _Well, that explained the presence of Beckett's email, now residing in the deletion file. _Then came one from his mother asking why he didn't answer his phones and when he was going to be home, since his book was to be released in a matter of days. Rick certainly didn't want to return to the city where his chances of running into the Detectives of the 12th were actually existent, but he knew he had to for work and that he would have to face his family's disapproval sooner or later. Sighing heavily he replied that he would return later that day and would reconnect the phones before he left, he didn't think that his mother needed to know that he had been using a phone he had bought when he first completed 'Naked Heat' to keep up to date on the local parties and to store the numbers of various women that he didn't really intend to call but thought it would be useful to keep them in case he found himself attending a last minute shindig and in need of a date.

The very moment Rick had finished replying to his emails he packed up and went upstairs. It was time for his guest to wake up and grab something to eat before heading home. He didn't feel anything towards her but he wasn't going to be rude either. He needed to pack and call in his house keeper before he was on his way, besides a workout in the sun and a nice shower didn't sound like too bad of an idea before the long drive home. When he arrived at his bedroom he found Vanessa, the latest addition to his little black book, up and getting dressed. "Oh, you're up. I was just going to ask if you wanted something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Starved, but I'll grab something on the way. I'm going to have almost no time to change before work as it is. Thanks anyway." She gave him a small smile as she collected her purse and coat which were on opposite sides of the room. "It was fun, call me if you want repeat." And with that she was out of the door and a smile was spreading across Rick's face. It looked like that workout was closer than he had hoped.

* * *

It was late afternoon by the time he hit the road. He was both glad to be returning to the city that he loved and nervous about what awaited him. The drive was long but he filled it with music blasting through his car speakers and thoughts of the back to back interviews he had scheduled for the following morning. Gina had kindly informed him of these interviews just as he was headed out the door and his housekeeper was setting up for a long afternoon of work. He knew the launch party was only days away and that a number of the Detectives of the 12th and one Medical Examiner were going to be there, and this thought pushed aside the others. He wasn't so much headed home as he was headed for the lion's den.

* * *

**T.B.C...**


	5. Busy Days

Chapter 5: Busy days

As he entered the familiar loft Rick felt an unexpected weight lift from his shoulders. It was good to be home. As he locked the door behind him he heard a very girlish squeal from the top of the staircase. He turned to see Alexis running towards him and had just enough time to brace himself for the impact when she collided with him at a full run, wrapping her arms around his waist. He returned the hug immediately. "Dad! I'm so glad you're home!" He was surprised by the ferocity of her hug, and more so by the fact that she was crying. He couldn't see her face but he could feel her tears as they soaked through his shirt as well as the sobbing that seemed to shake her body.

"What's wrong, Pumpkin?" She just cried even harder. "Hey, I'm right here, every thing's going to be okay, you just need to tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it." He was completely lost as to what could be causing Alexis so much distress, especially when he realised that every time he spoke her sobbing increased. Knowing that talking would not be of any help he just held his daughter closer until her sobs gradually subsided into gentle whimpering and then into nothing more than slightly shallow breaths.

Martha had entered the room unnoticed. She stood there and watched in silence until Rick looked up and directed a questioning look at her. "She was worried about you. In fact we all were at some point or another." The glare she gave him then could not be misinterpreted as anything but accusatory.

"Whose 'we all'?" His eyebrow raised and she laughed.

"Really, Richard, did you honestly think that you could disappear from our lives except a few emails and the gossip column telling us that you've returned to the party scene and only the two of us would have questions?" At his silence she continued. "You have more friends than you seem to think...So, what have you been doing all Summer that kept you from your family?"

"Let's not discuss that right now, okay Mother?" Something entered Rick's eyes that stabbed at Martha's heart though she had known it was going to be there. There was pain, fear and a coldness beyond anything he had exhibited before.

"You can't pretend that nothing has happened, Kiddo. You'll have to face things one day, why not today? Why not right now?"

Rick had a fleeting moment of doubt about his ability to keep his actions and thoughts to himself but it was gone as quickly as it had arrived. It would be hard at first but he knew that he could persevere. "I'm tired." Alexis took his hint and stepped back, releasing him from her grasp. "I'm going to bed. I'll see you both tomorrow." He leaned in and kissed his daughter on the forehead then did the same to his mother and carried his bags to his room. Before he closed the door he called out to the women still standing in the entry way. "I missed you both."

* * *

The next morning Rick woke before dawn, got dressed in a black Armani suit with a deep blue shirt and picked out his favorite pair of black sunglasses. He raced out the door without breakfast and noted to himself that his family were still tucked up in their beds fast asleep, exactly where he would rather be. Rick climbed into his electric blue Dodge Viper, a smile pulled at his lips as the engine roared to life. Strapping on his seat belt Rick pulled out of his parking garage and onto the streets of New York. With Bon Jovi blasting through the speakers time flew by as he made his way to the set of one of New York's more famous morning talk shows.

He arrived in time to spend about an hour having his make-up done for the show and then was rushed out for the interview. This process was repeated more than a dozen times that day. He barely had time to get from one set to the other before he was thrust out into the spot light. For the most part the interviews followed their usual pattern, they asked potentially probing questions and he did his best to answer in as shallow a manner as he could. Unfortunately a number of questions on this particular day involved his activities and whereabouts over the Summer. He hadn't even spoken to his mother about that and was, at first, momentarily thrown off guard when these questions were first asked. He berated himself silently for not having realised this would be a hot topic for his fans.

* * *

Rick arrived back at his apartment after dark and collapsed onto his bed. His stomach reminded him that he hadn't eaten anything all day and the only drink he had ingested was several cups of coffee. He briefly considered going down stairs to settle his stomach but couldn't quite bring himself to get up. Not caring about his suit, just glad that he had thrown the jacket onto the dresser by his door, he let his eyes close and was quickly the captive of his dreams.

The shrill ring of his mobile pulled Rick from his sleep. Eyes still closed he brought the phone to his ear and grunted his name in answer. "Rick."

"Richard, have you forgotten about the reading tonight or were you aiming for fashionably late?" The deceptively sweet voice was one he could identify in his deepest sleep and he had enough experience to recognise the thinly veiled threat behind the words.

"Gina, what reading?" While Rick was awake enough to recognise her words and what they meant he was still too out of it to remember anything specific that could help him.

"The one I told you about when you sent me the first chapter of 'Primal Heat'... At Strand on Broadway...? Is any of this ringing a bell?"

Rick jumped from the bed and launched himself towards his mirror like a bolt of electricity had just coursed through his body. "Damn! I completely forgot. Don't worry I'm on my way." He hung up and happily found that his suit wasn't at all crinkled from his nap as he had apparently not changed position in the hour or so that he had slept. Grabbing his jacket from the dresser Rick ran out to his car and sped off in the direction of 828 Broadway.

* * *

There was no where to park out side the store so he found himself parking a few blocks away and walking the rest of the distance. When he entered he realised the reason for the street's popularity, the store was full. There would have been no room for him to walk through had Gina not been watching the entrance for his arrival. From the podium on the make shift stage she announced his arrival and the crowd parted to let him through while staying tight enough around him that he was within reach of a number of women who were groping for him. He smiled and waved, shook hands and shared brief pleasantries with those he passed on his way to the stand. Rick read a chapter from somewhere in the middle of 'Naked Heat'. The applause at the end was deafening.

"You made it here quickly. Please don't tell me that I'm going to be making several phone calls to get you out of speeding fines and charges of reckless driving." Gina looked so worn by the idea that it almost made Rick laugh out loud. In stead he smiled and teased her a little.

"Okay, I won't tell you." That earned him a glare that made him want to retract the statement. "Didn't worry, Gina, I didn't break any laws to get here tonight." She rolled her eyes at him and they settled into the routine photo shoots for the press before parting ways. Rick was left to take photos with fans and sign the occasional book or chest and then he went home for some much needed sleep.

* * *

The next morning Rick woke to find his mother sitting beside his bed. "Mother, how long have you been here?" She shrugged and handed him a still hot cup of coffee. "Thanks."

"We need to talk, Richard." She gave him a glare that told him she was deathly serious.

"About what?"

"This summer, why you didn't answer our calls and what happened between you and Kate."

"Firstly, Mother, nothing happened with Detective Beckett, I simply finished my research. Secondly, I emailed you guys, so it's not like you couldn't contact me and didn't know if I was alive or dead. Thirdly, it's my life, Mother. What I do with it is my business." Rick felt bad saying it but he knew she would try to help and this was one thing he certainly didn't want anyone else knowing about let alone offering a hope that he didn't even know if he wanted to have.

"For your information, Richard, you aren't the only one affected by your choices. Your life impacts and influences those around you. Think about Alexis for goodness sake. I have my connections and have heard about your '_activities_' in the Hamptons but consider what it will do to your relationship with your daughter when she finds out... She idolizes you, Richard, for better or for worse you are her whole world. She knows you're no saint but this past summer is far in excess of any foolish thing you have done before... If nothing else means anything to you anymore, think about your daughter." With that she stood and walked out of the apartment with Alexis, she was taking her shopping for back to school supplies.

Left alone to reflect on his mother's words Rick felt his chest tighten. He was stuck between a proverbial rock and hard place. If he abandoned his mask of indifference he would not be faced with much more damage to his relationship with his daughter, but he would be left defenseless and vulnerable to all the pain New York City had to offer. Moments later found him still in his bed trying desperately to find a safe middle ground. Coming up with nothing Rick crawled out of bed and into his office where he began working on the next chapter of 'Primal Heat'. He was half way through the book and could almost taste the bitter-sweet freedom at the end.

About mid day Rick sent away another two chapters for editing and dressed himself in a casual out fit that consisted of light blue jeans and a knitted black turtle neck sweater. After locking up behind him Rick drove to central park for an hours fresh air before his next wave of interviews. He was amazed at how quickly his ex-wife organized all these interviews and at how well she had timed his schedule.

The day seemed to last forever. Interview after interview played out in front of him and he performed his role seamlessly. Interviews were almost second nature to him by now. Only the really personal questions threw him but he deflected them without thought. Instead of going home for the night Rick had a charity event scheduled. He had organized to be there when he first left for the Hamptons. He returned home only long enough to get changed into his tuxedo and collect his donation to the charity auction from his office. It was in the larger than normal box beside his desk. When he had first noticed it he had worried that whoever had placed it in his office had seen the mind maps on his writing board but he quickly dismissed the thought as he knew it would have been in hibernation by the time any one had entered the apartment and no one would think to check if it was logged on. Just to be on the safe side he had deleted everything from the board on his first trip into his office since his return. As he searched the contents of the box for his donation he dialed a number he had been given over the summer and organized a last minute date for the evening.

* * *

The hall was breathtaking. It contained over one hundred people but had room for plenty more. The theme around the hall seemed to be red and gold. The white table cloths and chair covers were adorned with golden sashes and the center piece on each table was a bouquet of red roses. A buffet was set up along the side wall while waiters and waitresses served champagne and orderves. A classical band played a lively waltz as those in attendance made their way into the hall and those who had already arrived either socialized around the edges of the room or danced.

Rick lead his tall, brunette date towards the mayor. "Hey, Big Cheese, what's happening?" The mayor turned to see Rick smiling brightly and couldn't help but smile back.

"Ricky! It's good to see you back in town." The men shook hands. "I got your message. Sorry I didn't get back to you, my office has been inundated with paperwork."

"That's alright, it was more so just so you weren't left out of the loop." They smiled warmly at each other. "Oh, this is Vanessa Carson, she is a lawyer in the Hamptons. Vanessa, this is our fine Mayor."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Mayor."

The Mayor shook her hand. "You too, Miss. Carson. Please, call me Bob."

"Thank you, Bob. Just Vanessa is fine, I only use Miss. Carson when working, if I can help it."

The night wore on quickly and before he realised what time it was the MC was on the stage announcing the beginning of the auction. Most of the items were antiques or signed replicas of famous movie props, there was a signed batman comic book that was in its original packaging, the perfect collector's item. Rick bid passionately for this, he wasn't sure why he did it but once he realised how much his opponent bidder wanted it he simply enjoyed the battle they were having until he decided to let the man have it. Besides, who wouldn't love to say that they out bid Richard Castle?

Next up was his donation, a first edition, signed copy of 'Storm Fall', he could believe he was going to do this willingly after the embarrassment that came when his mother offered it without his consent, but he had added the bonus of a one on one meal with him, the wining bidder could choose the meal, brunch, lunch or diner. Rick was amazed by the ferocity of the bidding, but that was nothing compared to the shock of how much the winning bid was. He quickly learned that a small group of women had pooled their resources together to enable them to outbid everyone else and share the time with him, he didn't even want to know how they were planning to share the book.

Rick accompanied Vanessa back to her hotel room once they left the event venue. He was tired and had a big day ahead of him that would end with the launch party but when confronted with the choice to either go through with his shallow existence or open himself up to the pain he had spent so long burying he made the same decision he had every day of the summer break.

* * *

**T.B.C...**


	6. Last Minute Stop

Chapter 6:** Last Minute Stop**

Rick finished his last interview for the day, at least until the countless impromptu interviews he was bound to face at his party, it was hardly closed to the press and even the regular guests would no doubt have questions they would be firing at him from left, right and center. He was glad that while Vanessa had offered him some breakfast, the same as he had for her before he left that morning, he had declined. As it turned out he had been running late and only just managed to get showered and changed before arriving in the nick of time for the first interview. Now he was standing in a tailor's store having some adjustments done on his tux. He had it started before he left the city but due to his active lifestyle and exercising over the summer he had not only lost some weight but had buffed up a little. He needed to have it taken in around the waist and taken out around his biceps, chest, shoulders, thighs and around his calves. Rick and his tailor were both relieved that they had not progressed further than pining the material as there was plenty of room for the changes and they didn't have to start from scratch. It took a few hours but the resulting suit was worth the time it took.

* * *

New suit siting on the passenger seat of his 2008 Dodge Viper SRT 10 Rick pulled out into the heavy New York traffic and found himself outside the 12th Precinct. Unsure as to how he found himself there he climbed out, hanging his suit over his arm and locked up his car. He couldn't bring himself to consider facing Beckett and Demming once more, at least not yet, but he would at least check in on Ryan and Esposito while he was there. Rick entered the familiar elevator and took a deep breath before pushing the button for the floor that housed the homicide department.

Rick had no idea what to say when he entered the bull pen, he was even more lost as to what he should do if he encountered Beckett or Demming. The ding of the elevator as the doors slid open brought him back to the present and he walked out with an air of confidence that was purely for show. He hadn't even gone a full ten steps before someone walked into his side, causing him to stumble in an attempt to regain his balance. There was a crash and the man who had collided with him muttered and he picked up the paperwork that was now strewn all over the floor. Rick turned to see that it was in fact Esposito who had literally run into him. "Esposito?" He offered his hand as the Detective looked up.

"Castle?" Taking Rick's outstretched hand he allowed the author to help him up. "When did you get back?"

"The other day." Esposito pulled him into a brotherly hug which Rick reciprocated. They pulled apart as Ryan came around the corner and almost dropped his coffee cup at the sight.

"Castle?" Ryan pulled him into a repeat hug of Esposito's. "It's great to see you, man! We've missed you."

"I missed you guys, too." He laughed at Ryan's enthusiasm which he hadn't dared hope for. "How is everyone?"

"Better now that you're back." Esposito offered.

"Yeah, not a hint of laughter since you left, Beckett's been a might touchy, too." Ryan added but stopped abruptly when Esposito shot him a warning glare.

"Anyway," Esposito once again took the reigns of the conversation. "The point is that we're glad to have you back."

"Actually, guys..." Rick was once again unsure if it had been a good idea to stop by at all. "I'm not back, back." Due to the confused expressions that both Detectives were now sporting he explained a little further. "I'm back in the city, yes, but I'm not back to consult in the Precinct."

"When will you be back?" Ryan and Esposito asked in unison. They seemed eager to have him back, Rick noted, but they had become good friends so it was to be expected.

"That's the thing... I'm not. That really was my last case." he hated being the cause of their discontent but he was glad that he had at least cleared that up so they wouldn't be living with a false hope.

"But, we're partners? You can't just leave forever, not unless you're old enough to retire, get yourself killed or permanently maimed." Ryan sounded almost as dejected as Rick had felt before he left at the start of summer.

"Hey, I'm still around, you guys can come to me for anything, you know where I live and my phone numbers. We can still hang out and I'll help with whatever I can, just not the same way I used to. Things can't be the same as they were, too much has changed." There was a momentary pause as his words and their meaning sank in, then Rick spoke again. "Look, I have to go make sure everything is ready for the party, see if my latest work has met with my publisher's approval and then get myself ready, but I'll see you guys tonight, right?"

"Yeah, we;ll be there, bro, but aren't you gonna say hi to Beckett? I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

Rick couldn't stop the sardonic laugh that escaped him at those words. "No, I wouldn't want to interrupt her train of thought, especially when she's working."

"Bro, when is she not working? I'm-" What ever he was about to say was abruptly cut off by Rick's phone.

"Just a sec guys." Rick looked at the screen before bringing the phone to his ear. "Paula, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Black Pawn wants to push for another Nikki Heat book. They're offering to double your percentage of the royalties if you agree."

Rick tensed. "No, Paula, this is the last one. Gina signed a release of the original contract, I have it in writing, it will be a trilogy, end of story."

"Listen, Rick, they're doubling your royalties! It doesn't get much better than that. What are you holding out for?"

Rick covered the mouth piece and turned to the guys. "I have to go, I'll catch you later." He didn't wait for a reply before returning to his conversation with his agent and turning to leave. "I don't care what they're offering, or how unhappy they are, they authorized the new contract and I'm giving them the best mystery novel I've ever turned out. As far as I'm concerned they should double the royalties for the final regardless of them wanting a fourth." He hung up his phone without delay and entered the elevator to leave. As the doors began to close he saw two Detectives who looked as though their curiosity had just been peaked by what they heard.

* * *

**T.B.C...**

**A/N: Only a few chapters to go. thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far and the same to those of you who review in the future.  
**


	7. Stray Thoughts

Chapter 7: **Stray Thoughts**

Kate closed her eyes and massaged her temples with her index and middle fingers. She was getting a headache and it was going to be a bad one, she could tell. The same information flowed through her mind and flashed behind her eyes. Her investigation was at a standstill. They needed a lead, but try as she might, sifting through the same information day and night for two days revealed nothing she didn't already know. Her thoughts were either chaotic or far too ordered, however she tried to approach the situation she couldn't find the same thought pattern she had become so accustomed to.

Kate hated to admit it, even to herself, but she wanted Castle back. She needed him on this case. It was right up his alley. An up and coming novelist was murdered in a run down hotel near a function she had attended earlier that night. There were no witnesses, no security footage, no angry current or ex-lovers or unpaid debts. This was Castle's world and when she needed him most he was no where to be found. She knew it was partially her fault, she had pushed him away, but that only made her even more angry, both at herself and him for letting her.

From time to time Kate found herself looking across at the empty chair beside her desk or searching the break room for him in need of the strange affect he had on her. Her disappointment was only reignited after each habitual search that proved in vain. Occasionally she even thought she smelt his cologne still in her car. It had gotten worse after she got a call late one night from Martha Rodgers informing her that Castle was back in the city. Kate had climbed out of bed the next morning and each morning after that extra early in hope of arriving at the Precinct to find a smiling, flirtatious, man-child of an author sitting in her chair. If he had been there she would kick him out of her chair like always, but that didn't mean she didn't want him to be there all the same. As she had told herself when she found his pros and cons lists, if he was the same man-child she had known his first port of call would be the Precinct, yet each day that passed confirmed her fears. He wasn't coming back and he wasn't the same man she had come to love. What had happened between them was proving to have further reaching consequences than she had wanted to believe.

Telling herself that they just needed to talk could only help Kate so much. She actually needed to see him, to get things off her chest and to hear what he had to say. Over the last few weeks of summer Kate had read articles that declared that the New York playboy author was back on the party scene and that he was making up for his absence. That was definitely something she wanted to address the first chance she got. Him leaving with Gina was one thing, that was for show, at least she was pretty sure it was for show, but the thought of him with all the women who were claiming to have spent a night in his bed was making her sick to her stomach. Even before he started shadowing her he had not been so non-discriminating in his sexual escapades.

Kate heard a small commotion near the elevator and considered yelling at whoever it was that was making the noise to keep it down, it was hard enough to focus her thoughts without the added distraction. Instead she took five deep breaths and went back to work. Whatever it had been that caused the raucous had been silenced, leaving her to put her energy into focusing her thoughts on the case rather than the absence of one Richard Castle. She had just succeeded in doing so when Esposito and Ryan walked in chattering animatedly. Kate pretended to still be immersed in the case at hand but her attention wasn't too hard to get at moments like these. "You think he meant it?"

"Which part? Not wanting to distract Beckett or about the final book?"

"The book, bro. Castle doesn't care about distracting anyone from work, if he did he would have waited until tonight rather than come all the way down here."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just think it's sad that he went from following her like a puppy to not wanting to walk a few extra feet to see her after three months. Ya know?"

"Yeah, I know. But back to the book. Do you think he was serious?"

Kate couldn't take it any more, she was probably getting a lot of information from listening in than she would otherwise, but she needed the background. There was too many half revelations and if she could understand one of the issues being discussed in its entirety it would be worth it. So she spoke up. "What about the book?"

"Beckett!" Judging by the surprise on both of their faces as they reacted in unison she could only assume they had forgotten that she was there and noticed her when they came in a few seconds ago. Esposito continued. "What book?"

"Don't play dumb, Esposito. Ryan gives you away." She indicated the Detective who was obviously looking to his partner to cover for them. "Now, spill."

The men looked at each other before Ryan spoke up. "Castle said he wouldn't do a fourth book, regardless of what his publisher was offering. Apparently they wanted it so badly they were willing to double his royalties."

"When did you speak to Castle?" For a moment Kate hoped they would say that they saw it on an interview because otherwise it would mean that he had kept in touch with almost every one but her and she didn't want to think about how much that thought hurt.

"Just then..." Ryan pointed to the elevator where the commotion had come from earlier. He quickly dropped his hand to his side realizing what he had just revealed.

"Castle is here?" '_Had he finally come back for her?_' She automatically made to walk in the indicated direction before Esposito spoke up.

"He _was_ here... He left a few minutes ago to get everything ready for tonight."

"Oh... How long was he here?"

"A few minutes, tops." Ryan supplied.

"Why didn't he say hi? Did he give a reason?"

"He said he didn't want to interrupt your train of thought while you were working." Esposito knew she would see right through the excuse but he didn't want to be the one to point it out.

"Oh... How considerate of him..." She tried to keep a brave face, but this was proving to be more painful than she thought. He had come to the precinct and didn't even say hi, but even worse was that he hadn't even tried to come up with a believable excuse. "I guess his holiday was good for reminding him of the importance of what we do... " That was complete garbage and everyone knew it. He didn't want to see her. '_Well, he's going to have to suck it up because nothing was going to keep Kate Beckett from confronting him either at or just after the launch party._'


	8. Confronting the Pain

**Chapter 8: **_Confronting the Pain_

The 'naked Heat' launch party was mere hours away and Kate was stuck behind her desk following a lead her instincts told her would take her investigation to yet another dead end. She wanted nothing more than to be at home preparing for what she anticipated would be the most vulnerable moment of her life that didn't directly relate to her mother's murder. She looked at her paperwork without really seeing it as she thought of the evening to come and all the possible repercussions it could have.

Before Kate got very far in her musings she was jolted back to reality by the irritatingly high pitched ring of her desk phone. "NYPD Homicide, Detective Beckett speaking." Her voice betrayed none of her still very present uneasiness.

"I'd like to report a murder." The breathy voice gave her the creeps, the man on the other end wasn't displaying any of the usual panic or emotion she heard in these calls, he was calm and disinterested. Something told her that she was speaking to the man responsible for the need to call in the homicide department.

"What's the address?" He gave her the address of a high priced motel in SoHo followed by a room number.

"What's your name?"

"Just think of me as concerned citizen." The line went dead before she so much as had the chance to register that evasion.

Accepting that that conversation was over she called out to her two team members as she passed their desks. "We've got another case." She gave them the address on the elevator ride down and they all made their way to the scene.

* * *

When they arrived at the scene the Detectives flashed their badges at the desk clerk and they made their way up to the room expecting to see management waiting for them, what they found instead was the door left slightly ajar and obviously busted in. She signaled for her team to enter with caution and they all drew their side arms. It was apparent upon entry that there had been a struggle. Kate was surveying the room when a soft thud on the other side of a closed door caught her attention. The team moved with a practiced ease and were face to face with their suspect without incident. That is until the man turned around and was proven to be no other than Richard Castle. The whole world froze as his name escaped her mouth and for a moment their location was forgotten. "What are you doing here?" Asking him wasn't a conscious action, it just came out. She was shocked out of her stunned stupor as the light caught on what her mind automatically registered as a gun. She moved on autopilot and her boys followed her lead flawlessly. They were calling for him to put the gun down and even she was taken aback when Ryan yelled "Drop it, Scumbag!" He was really compensating for the team's connection to their suspect, but she made a mental note to talk to him about that and his premature firing once they were back at the station. The words seemed foreign to her as she spoke. "Richard Castle, you're under arrest for murder."

* * *

Rick rode in the car with Ryan and Esposito. Beckett stayed at the scene and waited for the ME. He couldn't believe that after everything they had been through together she wouldn't even take him in herself. '_Then again,' _he reminded himself, '_none of that had meant a thing to her in the weeks leading up to the summer, so why should it matter now?'_ It was uncomfortable sitting on his hands in the back seat. He had thought the spring in the passenger seat of Beckett's car was bad, but this really took the cake. The Detectives didn't say a thing to him the entire ride and he very quickly gave up trying to coax any conversation out of them. Instead of letting the panic that was tugging at him get a hold he decided to make use of the time he had to think about the day's events. The problem was that when he got to the point he needed to analyze he drew a complete blank.

The moment they walked into the precinct Ryan and Esposito handed him over to a uniformed officer and left him to take him into holding. That stung more than their cold silence in the car. He was being taken to a holding cell that contained rapists, murderers and drug dealers, yet his two best friends couldn't even bring themselves to walk him in. All the pain that had made him run came back ten fold and he wished that he hadn't left the Hamptons. The thought of his time in the Hamptons reminded him of what he was supposed to be doing at that very moment and he demanded his phone call. Rick smiled when his daughter's voice rang out over the connection. "Hello?"

"Hey, Pumpkin, it's me."

"Dad? Where are you? Gina's going crazy trying to find you; you were supposed to be here half an hour ago. The party starts in less than three hours and if you're not here before then she's going to lose it completely."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." He had to stifle a laugh at the thought of the wreckage that would be left after one of Gina's fits. "Listen, Pumpkin, I don't want you to panic or anything, because everything's going to be okay, but I'm at the Precinct."

"Why would that worry me?"

"Let me finish, I've been arrested for-"

"Arrested! Dad, what happened?"

"I said not to panic… They think I killed someone." He heard her sharp intake of air and hurried on. "I'll be out in no time. I didn't do it and the Detectives here will figure that out in no time and then I'll be on my way."

"I'll call Beckett. Tell her what happened-"

"Don't call her."

"But, Dad, she'll help-"

"She's the one that arrested me!" Castle couldn't even remember the last time he had raised his voice to his daughter and the horrible feeling that erupted in him reminded him of why. "I'm sorry, Pumpkin. I didn't mean to yell… Is Gina with you?"

"Yeah…"

"Can you put her on? I think I'm going to need her help on this one."

"Sure…Dad…?" He made a small noise in the affirmative, words were too hard at that moment because the apprehension and fear he heard in her voice tore at something inside of him. "I love you."

Rick thought that he was about to break down crying right then and there. "I love you too, Baby Bird." He took a deep breath to calm himself. As he waited for Alexis to get Gina on the phone he thanked whatever Gods there were that he and Gina had made up a few hours before. They had been on better terms when she left the Hamptons than they had been after their divorce and it had been easy to reconcile their differences that afternoon. He had gone to the party venue after he left the precinct to check on everything and receive last minute instructions from Gina, which was when they decided to give their relationship another go, only this time work would stay in the office. Luckily for him that most likely would mean that she would put in more of an effort to help him, of course, as her main meal ticket she would have put up a good fight for him, but there was nothing in nature that could match the ferocity of Gina protecting her relationship. He had long ago accepted that their marriage had failed due to unrealistic expectations on both sides and chances were the scares left after they had hurt each other the way they had would never disappear, but he was well aware that it's the ones you love that have the power to hurt you the most.

"Richard?" He hadn't been so glad to hear her voice for a while.

"Gina, did Alexis fill you in?"

"Yes, I'll have a lawyer there in an hour or two, and I'll come by to check in on you as soon as I smooth things over here." He smiled at the clear determination in her voice. "How long do you think it'll take to clear you?"

"Honestly, Gina, I don't know. It could take days to process the evidence depending on the back log in the lab."

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?" He could almost hear the cogs turn in her brain as she spoke. "I'll call the mayor's wife. That should take care of any delay in evidence." He had almost forgotten that she was as well connected as he was, if not more so, she could, after all, use both his and her name when getting things done. "You hang in there, Richard, we'll have this whole thing sorted out in no time."

"Thank you, Gina… what about the party?"

"I can put it off for a few hours; I am a master in the art of PR. Besides we just got the trailer for the 'Heat Wave' movie, so we can show that as a surprise thank you for their patience and if worst comes to worst we'll reschedule the party and give them all free drinks for the night. Not that I want to have to explain that tomorrow. So let's just focus on getting you out in time for the launch, okay."

"Sounds good to me. You're a life saver."

"Yes, I am, but I expect to be paid in full for this." He had a moment of fear as to what she could mean before she spoke again. "Don't worry so much, Richard, all it'll take for Black Pawn to pool all its resources into handling this is just a certain fourth book."

"Oh, that was sly." He couldn't hide the small amount of pride in his voice at how she had maneuvered him into agreeing. "Fine, have the lawyer draw up a contract for another book. It's amazing how you always manage to turn a bad situation into a positive for Black Pawn."

"Again, you're correct." She laughed. "Alright, I have a lot to do and not much time to do it in. I'll see you soon."

"Okay, I'll see you when you get here." Then he ended the call and went back into holding where he stayed for an hour and a half. His lawyer came and went during that time but he was beginning to fear the worst for hi launch party.

* * *

It was only when he began to lose all hope that a Detective he didn't recognise approached him. "Mr. Castle?"

"That's me."

"I'm Detective Adriane Charles. I'll be handling your case."

A black hole replaced his internal organs as he realised that Beckett had not only ignored him but she had even handed his case over to another cop. Beckett had never given over a case in the entire time he had followed her, even when the FBI was breathing down her neck she had maintained some connection to the case. He wanted to hit himself in the head for not having realised earlier that she really didn't care about what happened to him. _'She's probably too busy with Demming, anyway.' _He thought bitterly to himself, and not for the first time that day he was reminded of how much he hated that man. Noticing that the Detective was watching him curiously he forced a smile and offered to shake her hand. She just smiled sadly and cuffed him for interrogation.

It was a strange feeling for Rick to once again be on the other side of the table. He was, however, glad that she hadn't taken him to the room that Beckett usually used, he couldn't deny that that would probably have been too much for him. "Why were you in Vanessa Carson's room, Mr. Castle?"

"It's Rick, if you don't mind… I was following through on a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

"She made a claim that would have made things rather awkward for me."

"She was blackmailing you?" He nodded and she scoffed at him. "Why would a respected partner at a distinguished East Hamptons law firm blackmail you?"

"I don't know. Maybe she got a buzz out of breaking the law and getting away with it… Look, all I know is that I got a message from her mobile telling me to meet her in her rooms, alone, with half a million dollars or she'd go to the press… What was I supposed to do? Go to the cops?"

"Yes, Mr. Castle! That exactly what you were supposed to do."

He let out a humourless laugh. "I could see how that would work out oh so well." He eyed her for a minute. "You don't get it do you…? The reason I didn't want her going to the press was because I didn't want it to get back to certain cop." He ran his fingers through his hair as he exhaled. "Now do you get it?"

She watched him for a moment, obviously deciding whether or not she should press further. "What did she have on you?"

Castle bolted upright in his chair. "You can't be serious!" His eyes shot to the mirror he knew was concealing at least one other officer. She sat silently, waiting. "You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?" She simply nodded. Castle inhaled through his nose as he thought through his options. "Who's behind the mirror?"

"You don't need-"

"Just tell me, Detective. Or I won't say anything else until my lawyer comes back."

"Captain Montgomery."

"Anyone else?"

"No, he made sure you were given all possible privacy."

"Okay… She said she would tell the press that she found evidence on my phone that Detective Beckett and I had a less than socially acceptable romantic relationship… Which is completely ridiculous, we've never been anything more than work associates. Besides, I never even had my old phone with me when Vanessa and I went out… Which only happened twice, so don't go assuming this was some lover's tiff, because it wasn't'."

There was silence for a moment as both people sorted through everything that had been said. "Tell me what you remember."

Castle nodded, the worst was already said anyway. "Alright, I had just left the precinct after a visit with Detectives Ryan and Esposito when I go the message. I went to the Waldorf to check on the preparations for the launch party tonight, I was with Gina, my publisher and ex-wife, for about half an hour. After we finished up there I went to the bank to get the money-"

"You got the money?" He nodded. "Then where was it when you were arrested?"

"I don't know. I didn't the chance to look around before I was unceremoniously dragged off to a police cruiser." She indicated for him to continue. "Anyway, so I went to the bank, then I drove straight to the motel. I knocked on her door and… that's all I can remember."

"That's it?" She sounded incredulous. He didn't blame her, he wouldn't have believed a suspect if they had said that to him. "You don't remember anything else? It happened a few hours ago!"

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I know how bad that sounds?" Rick dropped his head into his hands. _'This stress was going to kill him.'_ "Don't you think I've tried to remember?" His voice was quieter now, cracking as he tried to hold back the tears as he remembered waking up to find a woman he knew lying in front of him, dead, only to be accused of her murder by the last person he would expect to believe him capable of that, before he even had the chance to process what had happened, and now, he couldn't remember a single thing to save him from going to prison for the rest of his life. "I just… I knocked…" He clenched his hands into fists and hit himself squarely in the forehead. "It's right there… I just… can't remember." He hit himself again and didn't even notice as the Detective rose in preparation to restrain him if he became any more violent towards himself or even her. He hit himself again and put all his energy into forcing the memory back to him. "The door opened…" He had it. "Chloroform!" His sudden outburst made the Detective jump visibly. He looked directly into her eyes. "The door started to open and then someone grabbed me from behind and held an old rag over my mouth, it smelled sweet and then I blacked out… It was chloroform." He looked at her expectantly.

"How do you explain the door being busted in if it was opened?"

"She must have seen them grab me before they could get to the door. She would have slammed and locked it, but they'd already exposed themselves so they had to act quickly, they broke down the door and dragged me inside. There would have been a struggle, that's why the room was a mess, they killed her and positioned our bodies, placing the gun in my hand so that it would look like I did it…" She gave him a look that told him she didn't believe him. "Test me for chloroform. There should be some trace of it still on me."

"Fine, that doesn't mean I believe you, but it makes enough sense that I'll look into it." She pulled out her phone and called the ME's down stairs and asked for one of them to go up to look for chloroform.

It was only a few minutes later that Dr. Lanie Parish entered the interrogation room. "Castle!"

"Dr. Parish." He smiled a fake smile, not wanting to see what she had in store for him.

That was when she noticed the hand cuffs that secured him to the table. "What's going on?"

"Apparently Detective Beckett wasn't kidding when she said that everyone looks like a killer to her."

Lanie's eye grew wider, not that Castle had thought it possible. "Kate arrested you?"

"It's a long story, one that I may write one day, it would have been one hell of a twist in the Nikki Heat books. Damn, I knew I should have kept Rook around a little longer." He said the last part in a mutter that the others could barely hear. "Anyway, point is, can you test to see if I was knocked out with chloroform?"

"You know I can, Castle." She gave him the best reassuring smile she could muster. She knew would have to have a word with Kate about why Castle was being interrogated by the new girl and why she hadn't even given her a heads up. She removed the cotton bud from its container and brought it to his face. "Hold still." She then swabbed around his mouth but not close enough to contaminate it with anything. "Please tell me you haven't gone and wiped your mouth on anything since the suspected drugging."

"Not to worry, my dear Dr. I have done no such thing." This time his smile was genuine. She was the first one from the 12th to have been remotely friendly since this whole thing started.

While they waited for the results to come back Rick was returned to the holding cell where he was again visited by his lawyer, who wasn't remotely happy about him talking to the police with out legal representation present. Detective Charles went back to work following all other possible leads, something about the way Castle responded to the ME had her questioning his guilt. The ME would be the one to make or break his story and the complete trust he displayed when she took the samples told her that he had every reason to believe that he would be cleared by the evidence.

* * *

It was only a matter of half an hour before they got the results. He tested positive for chloroform. It was just as Detective Charles got the news that Beckett walked past her desk on her way to the break room. Taking the opportunity to be the bearer of good news for a change she called after her. "Hey, Beckett!" The other Detective turned at the sound of her name. "Just thought you should know, your boy checked out, he was framed." Before Beckett could respond Charles was out of her chair and on her way to the holding cell. On the way she encountered a petite blonde woman she didn't recognise. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually, I think you can. I'm here to see Richard Castle."

"Are you his publisher?"

"And ex-wife, and girlfriend." At the stunned look on the Detective's face she moved it along. "We have a complicated relationship. I'm Gina."

"He said you would be coming. I'm actually on my way to see him, if you'll follow me…" They walked in silence until they arrived at the cell and Charles filled out the necessary paperwork to release him.

"Richard, honestly, I don't know what to do with you. Every time I turn my back you're in some sort of trouble."

Rick laughed at the memories of his many escapades, most of which would have ended in disaster if not for his uncanny last minute luck. "But how else would I keep you on your toes, and you know that's why you love me." His smile grew and soon Gina was smiling just as brightly.

"Mr. Castle-"

"How many times must I tell you, it's Rick."

The Detective half smiled. "Rick, the test was positive. You're free to go, but I'd appreciate it is you could make yourself available for further questioning."

"Sure thing Detective. I'm always happy to help." The uniformed officer guarding the holding cell opened the door for Rick to step through. Once he was on the outside he wrapped an arm around Gina's waist and looked her in the eye. "I can't believe I signed up for another book when all I had to do was talk and get a test."

"Hmm, yes, but it's better to be safe then sorry." Then she got a look in her eye that always gave him goose bumps, in a good way. "Besides, it's always more fun when I own you." He knew what she was referring to had to hide a blush, which was strange, because Richard Castle never blushed; at least that's what he told himself.

The Detective led them out and into the main squad room. "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, Rick."

"That's okay, Detective. It was a pleasure… Give me a call if you need any help or just need to build theory with someone. I've been told that I'm quite good at that." At that moment Gina noticed the time on the clock on the wall and cleared her throat to get his attention.

"I'm sorry to rush this but we have to get going, we both know how long it takes to get a car out of the impound lot, and for you to get ready. Let's just hope your tux isn't ruined or stolen. There's only so long a movie trailer can satisfy a crowd."

"You're right, people will start arriving any minute and it's bad enough that I missed the pre party interviews… I'm not getting home tonight am I?" Rick asked in a resigned tone that was more amusing than it probably should have been. When he got the laugh he was clearly hoping for he leant down and kissed her soundly on the mouth. "Come on, Cinderella; let's get you to the ball." He nodded good bye to the Detective and the couple left arm in arm.

* * *

The news that Castle was cleared of murder had Kate racing to finish her paperwork so she could go home and get ready for the launch without being too late. The news of Castle's arrest and subsequent release had spread around the station quickly and everyone that was going to the party that night was hurrying to end their day's work, if they hadn't already. There was a moment when Kate considered not attending the launch but one look at the empty chair beside her desk was all it took to remind her of the loneliness that waited down that road. It took a few minutes for her to grow impatient and grabbed her things to leave. Remembering the half empty cup of coffee on her desk she made a bee line for the break room. She was almost there when she was stopped in her tracks by the sound of an all too familiar voice. _'Did he just offer to build theory with Charles?'_ She remembered their conversation from when he had spent the night on her lounge. '_You're supposed to build theory with me. You're supposed to be on my team?' 'I thought we were all on the same team.' _Not for the first time she wondered how they had managed to drift so far apart so quickly and how she had missed the warnings.

Her thoughts were interrupted with the unwelcome sight of a small blonde woman hanging off his arm. She hadn't expected to see her again, except at the launch party. She added that to her mental list of things she would bring up with Castle. Then something even worse happened, he kissed her. Castle kissed the little blonde thing, right in front of her. The precinct was their place; it was where they had spent countless hours lost in thought together, talking, flirting and building a relationship that just needed to be verbalised by the pair. The thought was bitter and sparked something savage deep in Kate. It was then that she realised, while he had mentioned his relationships and didn't deny having them with other women there was only one occasion she actually saw him kiss someone, and that was in a photo so while it stung the issue then was that he had gone behind her back with a suspect after she had told him to stay away from her.

Just when she thought she would walk right up to them and rip the little blonde thing's head off her shoulders they turned and walked away. Then it dawned on her, he was, yet again, leaving without saying goodbye. A brief moment passed while she dwelt on that before her rational side kicked in, _'You did ignore him from the moment you arrested him and then palm his case of to the newbie. That's not exactly the best way to say I love you and I want you to be by my side every day for the rest of my life.'_ Shrugging it off to be dealt with later she continued her journey to the break room.

* * *

The reception hall they had rented at the Waldorf was filled with people clutching newly purchased copies of 'Naked Heat'. Technically it wasn't supposed to go on sale for a few weeks but Gina organised it as a bonus to make up for the delay in starting the evening. Castle sat at a table in one corner of the room as the guests lined up and made their way to him so that he could sign their books. He never did like book signings, but he was able to recognise that he did own them that much, regardless of how tired he was. He was glad that he had Gina with him. She kept every thing running smoothly and provided the support that he needed since Alexis and Martha left early. The evening had gone well, he and Gina gave their speeches and everyone danced for a while, he did a few interviews for those that couldn't wait until after the party and he heard nothing but good news about the 'Heat Wave' Movie trailer.

The only hitch in the evening came when he had noticed Beckett making her way towards him while he was getting drinks from the bar. He had only just managed to escape what he had no doubt would have been an uncomfortable situation because Gina had chosen that moment to make the announcement that the books would be available for purchase and had called him up to the stand when she did so. He had seen Beckett in the crowd several times that evening and had gone to great lengths to avoid her, hoping that it wasn't obvious that that was what he was doing. He couldn't face her and everything that came along with seeing her. He certainly didn't want to cause a scene in the middle of the party and so he stuck to Gina's side for most of the evening.

When the time came that she was the one in front of him for an autograph he had to take several deep breaths to hold back the anger at how she had treated him throughout the afternoon and the pain that fuelled that rage. "Detective, it's good of you to join us… You remember Gina." He added the last part as the woman mentioned stepped in close to him. The shook hands like they had before.

"Yes, it's good to see you again… I see you managed to get him to do some work."

Gina took the opening she had unwittingly offered without a second thought. "Oh, it's not so hard; he just needs the right motivation." The look exchanged between the couple was not lost on Kate and she once again forced a smile for the woman she so despised.

"I'm sure." She was glad at that moment that no one could read her thoughts as she pictured several scenarios in which the woman died a painful death. This time the smile was genuine. "Listen, Castle, about today-"

"Forget it Detective." His smile was broad but it lacked its usual sincerity. "I already have."

"I wish I could but I'm really s-"

"Seriously, Detective, don't mention it." He flicked his head indicating the press that had gathered close by. She smiled for the press as she realised that if she mentioned it again there was no way it would escape the next day's papers.

"Right, well... it's good to see you again." He handed her book back to her with the same dull smile.

"You too, Detective." As she walked away from the table to rejoin her team mates and he continued to sign book after book they both sighed in relief that the awkward moment was over. Rick resolved to avoid any repeats in the future and Kate vowed to confront their issues sooner rather than letting it fester any more than it already had.

* * *

Later that night, so late in fact that it was early the next morning, Kate passed the hallway in front of the loft that she had grown so familiar with in the last year. Martha had contacted her to let her know that Castle had arrived home a few moments ago, alone, that Alexis was at a sleepover and that she had gone home to the house she now shared with Chet. She had hurried straight over knowing that she wouldn't get any sleep anyway, not after the day she had had. It took her a few moments to wrap her head around the situation before she rang the doorbell. Then she waited, and waited, and waited. Realising that he was ignoring her she rang the bell again and again before shouting, in her best crowd control voice. "Castle, I know you're in there! Open the door, Castle!" When she was met with more silence she added. "Don't make me break it down! You know I will!"

She heard a grumble from behind the door as the locks clicked open. "What do you want, Detective? Have you come to arrest me again? Because I have to say that's getting old."

She brushed past him to enter the loft though he clearly wasn't happy to see her. "We need to talk."

"No, we really don't." She gave him a glare that, had he not been angry with her, would have had even him recoiling. "I have nothing to say to you and I'm pretty sure you don't have anything to say that I need to hear."

"Grow up, Castle. This isn't one of your books where you know everything that each character is going to say. I for one have something very important to say."

"Well, by all means, go on." He gave an elaborate flourish of his hand that under different circumstances could have been amusing, but as it was it was just insulting.

"What happened to us?"

"Nothing…"

"Something clearly happened. People don't just wake up one morning and decide that they can't stand to be around each other any more."

"Listen to me, Detective, nothing happened to us, for one thing there would have had to have been an 'us' for something to have happened to 'us'. All we ever were was a novelist and his research, a Detective and her consultant. It was fun while it lasted, but it's over."

"If that's all there was to us then why were you going to pay half a million dollars to protect me from getting a bad name?"

Rick was stuck for a moment; he didn't know how she found out about that but that knowledge wasn't going to get him out of the situation anyway. "That wasn't for you, I didn't want the bad publicity."

"Oh, for crying out loud! You built your entire reputation on bad publicity, it's the reason you have such a large female fan base! If anything it would have helped your sales…! The Captain showed me the interrogation tapes, Castle." When he didn't respond she took a few more calming breaths. "Why did you leave for the whole summer?"

"I told you, I had a book to finish. It had nothing to do with you or anyone at the station."

Rick leaned against his kitchen counter, feigning an indifference that he didn't feel. Kate entered the kitchen after him. She couldn't hide her feelings anymore. Things had definitely gotten out of hand. "Stop pretending everything's okay, Castle! We both know it's not!"

"I haven't the faintest idea what-" She cut him off. She was tired of this game.

"Cut the crap!" When he finally met her gaze she saw that his emotions were still as raw as her own. "Just answer my question. Why did you leave? And don't give me that garbage about finishing your book." She knew the answer, she had known since she stumbled on his smart board. He was silent so she pressed further. "Why did you cut me off, Castle?"

"You seem to know the all answers, Beckett, why don't you tell me…? It could be enlightening." He shifted his position so that he stood at his full height. "Come on, Detective. Give it a shot. Take a stab at it. I know you're _dying_ to hear the sound of your own voice some more."

She bridled at his words. "How dare you? What right do you think you have to talk to me like that?"

"What right do you think you have to ask me questions like that and then call me a liar when I answer them, in my own home no less?" He shot back at her.

"You're a selfish prick! Did you know that?" She couldn't believe she had just regressed to childish name calling.

"I'm selfish? Take a look in the mirror, Sweetheart!"

"Argh, you're such a jerk!" She wanted to throw something at him, oh _so_ badly. "You never think of any one but yourself!"

"Oh, how little you know me! I'll have you know that my first thoughts are always of Alexis, Mother and Y-" He cut himself off this time, realising exactly what he was about to say at the last minute. Rick turned away from her and looked for something to hit himself over the head with. Saying it out loud would have been all it would take to shred what was left intact of his heart and dignity. There was no way he was going to let that happen.

"And who, Castle…? One of your many fan girls?" Her words stung him. He had worked so hard to convince her that he wasn't who the tabloids painted him to be. He felt the little piece he had left of his heart tearing despite his best efforts. Now he knew that Kate still thought he was no better than some rich 'playboy'. It was pointless to continue shielding himself, he was already hurt as badly as he had ever been, but he wouldn't let her have the satisfaction of knowing she had broken him.

"You'd know all about fan girls, wouldn't you, Beckett, being one yourself?" It was the sudden change in his tone that warned her that something drastic had just shifted between them. "You're being a little harsh on your own kind there aren't you?"

"Screw you, Castle!"

"You had your chance, Detective." He walked around her to his office door prepared to walk away from her once again despite the pain of the first time.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I guess the reasons on your smart board were just for a book, huh, Castle?" He froze; trying to think of some way that he might have misheard what she said. Kate wasn't sure of her move but knew she was quickly losing so she had thrown that out there in an attempt to delay his departure. Now that it had worked she had no idea what to do next.

Cursing his luck and breathing deeply, hoping to smother the agony in his chest with oxygen he answered, barely above a whisper. "No."

Kate struggled to hear what he said and when she did she couldn't believe it. He had just admitted to feeling the very things she had hoped he felt for her all summer. She couldn't even think of any reply other than asking "Why?"

Her tone was broken and her voice cracked as she asked what Rick had hoped she wouldn't. Now that he had said it out loud he couldn't hold himself back from answering. Before he spoke he turned around to make eye contact and drive home the sincerity of what he was about to say. "You read the board. I wanted you to be happy… and you made it abundantly clear that meant I had to be out of the picture."

Kate felt her heart break as she saw the honesty and open heartache in his eyes that motivated his words. She had never suspected it possible, she didn't even believe the truth of it when she read it on his board, but this told her without a doubt that she, a simple NYPD Detective, had broken the larger than life Richard Castle. She opened her mouth to try to say something, anything to make that heart wrenching pain leave his eyes, but nothing came out.

He simply nodded and walked into his study. He had already said more than he had ever meant to. Rick moved to collapse into his desk chair but was brought up short when the door flew open. "What's wrong with you?" She was storming across the room at an alarming pace. "You don't just say things like that and then walk away!"

"What would you like me to do?" He was yelling again, he hated yelling but couldn't help it at that moment, it was the only way he could express the emotions that were overwhelming his every sense. "I'm not your Mr. Perfect, Demming!"

It was a strange sensation for Kate to have lost control, it was one that only ever happened around Castle and no matter how much she hated it, it was one of the things she missed the most while he was gone. "You're such an idiot!"

"So you've told me, over and over again!" He stepped forward in the heat of the moment, hoping the aggressive gesture would make her back off. She just continued her march towards him.

"I know I've said it. The question is when will it finally sink in?" He opened his mouth to reply but she closed the gap between them and his retort was lost in the kiss that they lost themselves in. All their frustration and pain was conveyed in that one kiss. Neither wanted to break the moment but the need for air proved too much. When they did extricate their lips from one another they rested their foreheads against each other's. They hadn't even realised it but at some point during their kiss they had pulled each other into a tight embrace.

Rick broke the silence first. "What about Demming?"

She couldn't contain the laugh that expressed her relief at having resolved the problem that had consumed every aspect of her life for the past three months. "He hadn't been in the picture since the day you left."

"That's what you were trying to tell me?" The shock in his voice was enough to double her laughter.

"I told you that you're an idiot..." She kissed him again, briefly, to take any sting out of her words. "What about Gina?"

"Oh, yeah… I'd better call her and organise to meet."

"You're not going to tell her right away?" She took a step back as she realised that she may have just made a huge mistake.

"I'm sorry, but I've never broken up with a woman in any way other than face to face and I'm not about to start now… I'll make an appointment to see her first thing in the morning when her office opens." He pulled her back to him and she let herself melt into him. She couldn't help but think that she had just given her heart to the one man that could keep her on her toes until the day she dies, and the thought felt good.

Kate realised that with all the drama of the day she had forgotten the one thing she had wanted to say since he walked down that hall with his ex-wife in his arms. "Castle… I missed you. Don't ever leave me again." She felt him smile where his lips were now pressing a kiss into her forehead.

* * *

_**Fin**_

I know it took a long time, but look at it this way, it's pretty long. Thank you to all you fantastic readers who have read this through to the end and an even bigger thank you to those of you who have reviewed. Now, let's just see if I can finish my other story some time this century. ;)

Now review the story, you know you want to. :)__

Eliza ^~^_**  
**_


	9. Epilogue

**A/N:** Okay, so I know I said this was finished, but I owe you guys this little epilogue. Migalouch made a really great point, I rushed it and in doings so, I left out some of the major issues I had been building up throughout the story. I'm really sorry I did that. I hope this little epilogue makes up for it. Thank you Migalouch for keeping me honest, as always, your opinion holds a lot of sway. So yes, for those of you who may not know this already, if you want something from me in my stories and for what ever reason don't feel you can or are getting through to me, go through Migalouch.

* * *

**Epilogue:**

Rick entered the elevator to the 12th Precinct with a new skip in his step. He wasn't just back; he was here for the first time as a completed man. Yes, the world looked good. Colours were brighter, the smells around him were drugs that lifted his spirits to new heights and ever sound was a sweet bell chiming. To say that he was on cloud nine would be an understatement. Had he not already pinched himself several times that morning, and had to face breaking up with his ex-wife first thing that day, he would have been convinced that it was all a dream.

The doors were about to close behind him when he heard a familiar voice call from a round the corner. "Hold the elevator!" His hand shot out to stop the doors without so much as a thought. Kate rounded the corner and came to a complete stop as she saw the grin that seemed to make up the face of her favourite novelist. "Rick…! Umm, Castle…" She tried to cover her slip with a curt nod of her head before she entered the elevator car and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. When she was sure it was all clear she turned to him, the doors closing again as she did so. "So…"

His grin grew and she had to wonder if she would ever see it reach its maximum brilliance, she couldn't count the number of times she had thought it had already stretched beyond human capacity only to see it grow further. How ever large it could get, it was contagious and she was matching his smile watt for watt. "So, what, Kate?"

"You know perfectly well, what… How did it go with Gina?" She had stepped closer to him and was well aware that he swallowed hard when she was pressed up against him. The thought of what she could do to him with that simple action gave her a few ideas of how to convince him to finally stay in the car without the ineffective use of handcuffs. She still wanted to know where he got that key.

"Oh, that…" He stepped back and tried to dampen his smirk. "She didn't want to let me go… I hope you don't mind sharing." She glared at him and that was all it took for him to cave. He pulled her back to him. "Alright, it was okay… we talked a bit and I explained how I felt, she took it pretty well…" The raising of her eyebrow told him that she wasn't buying it. "So all she threw at me was 'Naked Heat', it wasn't that big a deal…" He felt her go rigid against him, remembered that she was a cop and realised that he just mentioned a domestic violence situation. Trying to relax the tension he joked about the day they had first discussed a divorce. "Hey, at least this time it wasn't a desk size dictionary that covered every grammatical law know to the English language." Okay, that wasn't as funny to a cop as he thought it was, in hind sight he probably should have realised that. "It's nothing… All she wants from me is to finish the book I'm on in about a month, which isn't too bad considering it's basically finished, and the fourth by it's dead line."

"I thought you weren't doing a fourth." She pulled out of his arms just enough to look him in the eyes.

"I wasn't, but when you arrested me she convinced me that Black pawn would keep it under control if I did a fourth… I was really quite lucky, actually, she could have gotten six more out of me at that point and there is no doubt in my mind that she knew it." He smiled again as he realised what he had missed at the time. "She didn't want me doing more Nikki Heat books." Kate gave him a questioning look so he continued to explain. "She was the one that convinced them to let me off the contract for the fourth and they weren't happy once they realised what a big seller it would be after they saw the chapters I had already submitted for the third. To get herself back on solid ground she needed to get another book out of me, so she used the opportunity to get it, but she didn't press for more because she didn't want me writing about Nikki Heat and by extension about you…"

"That reminds me, what-" Kate was cut off as the elevator announced its arrival at their floor. The couple flew apart and put as much distance between them as they could. "Come with me." The doors opened at that moment and she led him to an unoccupied observation room. When she closed the door behind them she turned back to him. "What did you mean when you told Lanie that you wished you had kept Rook around a little longer?"

'_And thus begins the conversation best avoided.'_ He thought to himself. He exhaled deeply. "She told you about that, huh?" Suddenly Rick was fascinated by a particular crack in the wall meaning that Kate was in his periphery as he spoke. "I take it you haven't read 'Naked Heat' yet." She shook her head and he wished she had spoken. He nodded to show he had taken her hint to continue while he gathered his thoughts. "This would be so much easier if you had read the story first… I may have… removed Rook from the picture…"

"You '_may have_'…? What is that supposed to mean?" Her voice was beginning to rise and she had to look away from him and breathe for a moment before returning to the conversation. "How?"

"I may have written a home invasion gone south in his apartment…" He looked at her with a look that screamed 'Please don't kill me.'

"You killed him off?" That had been the last thing Kate expected to hear. At the most she thought he had Rook move out of town and marry a beautiful heiress, but this was just beyond belief.

"A little bit…" He winced as he imagined how she would react to that admission.

"A little bit… How do you kill off one of the main characters _'a little bit'_?" She didn't even try to hide the fact that they were on dangerous ground with this line of conversation. _'And it was going so well.'_ He told himself.

"In all fairness it _was_ me or him…" He hadn't even finished the thought before her arms were wrapped tightly around him, holding his to her with such force that he was amazed his lungs were still getting air.

"Tell me you didn't even consider it." There was a depth of desperation to her plea that reminded him of how much his absence for three months had hurt her, and the thought of the possible devastation his suicide would have caused her made him wrap his arms around her equally as tightly.

"No, never… Kate, look at me…" He tilted her chin up to look force her to look him in the eyes and he wanted to cry when he saw the tears she was fighting to hold back. "I needed the kind of closure that I could only get by removing Rook from the story, and my publishers would have made me bring him back latter if there was anyway to do so, so he had to die. But even when I thought it wouldn't affect you I had Alexis and mother to worry about. I would never put Alexis through that, not until someone takes that choice away from me… Besides, I can live without you, Kate." The look that crossed her face made him chuckle. "Let me finish. I can live without you, but it would be a shallow, hollow and unfulfilling life. I would be, and have been, miserable without you." He kissed her deeply to reinforce what he had said. He broke away slowly. "Now, is there anything else you wanted to ask me before I voice my concerns?"

"One, but I want to hear what you have to say before I ask." She nodded for him to start, so he did.

"When you arrested me, why did you give away my case and why didn't you check in on me…? I know that you were angry with me, but… why would you leave me to face that alone?" He swallowed back the pain. Rick knew it would be a difficult conversation without having to fight himself but he still didn't know if he could open back up to her like he once had.

"I was scared…" Kate looked at the button that did up to make the V of his shirt collar. She briefly considered looking up but her eyes betrayed her so she settled for learning every detail of that button and the creases of material around it. "I didn't know what to believe, on one hand we found you standing over a dead body, with the gun in your hand, on the other, it was you… I just couldn't reconcile those facts in my heart and I knew that I could never be impartial to the investigation, if I was the one to send you to prison and you were innocent it would have destroyed me, just sending you to jail would have been enough to sour my love of what I do, even if you had been guilty… I would have spent the rest of my life wondering if my personal feelings had sent an innocent person to jail and let the guilty walk free…And…" Rick wiped away a tear that had begun to run down her cheek. She looked up into his eyes, somehow drawn to them by his gentle touch. "And I couldn't face the possibility that you wouldn't want to see me." Kate let her head collapse onto his chest. "What if you had sent me away? I had just arrested you for murder and that looked like the most likely outcome, not to mention how I had treated you at the scene. By trying to distance myself from the pain I also took away the hope I had built up over the break and fought to hold onto in the days leading up to your arrest. I couldn't handle knowing that I had, yet again, pushed you away… I had to arrest you, but I didn't have to try to prove your guilt." Rick could feel a wet patch form where her tears soaked into his shirt. He tightened his hold on her, trying to convey the conviction that he wasn't going to let her go. "I'm so sorry, Rick." Her words came out in a sob and he kissed the top of her head, unable to find words that could comfort her.

They stood like that for a while until her tears stopped flowing and her breathing had returned to normal while he pressed kisses to her head. When he felt they were ready to continue he broke the silence. "There is one more thing…" She looked up at him and nodded for him to continue. "Why did you lie…? I get that you thought it would make things awkward, but if you knew how I felt, which is the only reason I can think of as to why it would have been awkward, why were you with him? Why did you lie?"

Kate heard something in his voice that told her that this was the real issue for him, not the arrest and everything that went along with it. That was when she remembered the underlined text on his board. _"No Trust."_ It suddenly made sense. He thought he couldn't trust her anymore and that she didn't trust him.

"What?" That was when she realised that she had spoken the words out loud.

"No Trust… That's what you meant, isn't it…? You couldn't trust me and you thought I didn't trust you." He nodded. "Rick, this must sound over used by now, but I swear it's the truth, I was scared…. I know, that's what I said last time, and I must sound like such a coward, right now, but hear me out..." She made sure that he was looking her in the eye. "I knew that I felt something for you, something that I didn't think you felt for me… I was afraid of what would happen if I let myself love you. Like I said, although in an indirect way, I was certain you'd break my heart. Yes, the heart wants what it wants but there's a reason we have our heads and mine was telling me that what your heart wanted wasn't the same as what mine did or that you didn't even know that I wasn't just talking about the case… I had already trusted you with so much of myself that I knew that you could hurt me more than anyone else could. I was protecting myself, so I tried to convince myself and everyone else that I didn't care about you, then when you asked me to the Hamptons with you I couldn't seem to get myself to tell you that I was replacing you as much as possible with Tom, and it just came out… I liked where we were and how you treated me, I knew that once you knew that I was with someone else you would lose interest, probably leave and definitely stop flirting with me. I just wanted things to stay the way they were forever. In the end it was my attempt to prevent losing what I had with you that cost me that and so much more." She kissed him gently, needing to reassure herself that he was, in fact, standing there, holding her. "I do trust you, Rick, it's myself I don't trust… and I promise, no more lying, not to you." He smiled and pulled her hear to his shoulder as he inhaled the cherry scent of her shampoo.

"Thank you… for telling me." He again kissed the top of her head. "Now, what was it you wanted to ask?"

The smile that filled her face suddenly had him a little on edge, she had something up her sleeve and it was clearly not something that made him look good. "While you were gone there was a lot of mention of parties with the famous author, Richard Castle… and in a lot of these stories there was tell that he never spent a night alone, or with the same woman twice… What really happened?"

Rick knew it wasn't good for him before she spoke but the moment she mentioned the papers all hope was shattered. _'Here we go again.'_ He thought as he opened his mouth. "Well, about that… There's something you should know about Richard Castle, the author… He's a bit of a moron." The glare she gave him told him that humour was not going to save him here. "Okay… I have my own layers and to protect those layers I have a mask, it's something that has always served me well. The play boy image didn't come out of nowhere… That was how I have always disguised my pain. When Kyra left me after my fist best seller I did something similar, granted not to the same extent, but I took to the first woman who caught my eye, which happened to be Meredith, she fell pregnant by accident and so I married her… When we got a divorce I took it hard, I started using my novels as an excuse to do some pretty stupid things, like hanging around gangsters, integrating myself in the mafia and taking up extreme sports. That's actually when I learnt to use a gun, a connection of mine taught me so that I would have a way of protecting myself if someone from another family decided to use me against their family…" Seeing the look on her face he was quick to reassure her. "I only had to use what he taught me to get out of one situation before I took up with your team, that was in self defence and no one was killed or even injured. I just shot the gun out of their hand, like I did with Dunn, and they ran off…" Something in her eyes told him he wasn't winning any points there so he hurried on. "Anyway, so that's when Gina tamed me a little and I married her because she was the only one who could talk sense into me when I tried to pull dangerous stunts. When we got divorced I wanted to get back at her, so… so I stole a police horse while I was naked…she was always so prim and proper and everything with her was about PR, so I gave her something to make her earn her alimony payments." A half smile emerged on his face at the memory of how livid she had been. "And that brings me to you… Since I met you I worked so hard to show you that I wasn't such a bad guy, I stopped going to parties when I could get out of them, I worked at being the upstanding citizen I thought you wanted me to be… then you replaced me." His smile faded to a snarl as he said the next few words. "With Demming…The point is, I was done trying to be a good guy, cause the good guy never gets the girl, he never gets anything…"

Rick was brought out of his thoughts about the poor good guy, who is always left behind with nothing good coming his way, by Kate drawing him into a searing kiss. She mumbled into his lips. "I'm sorry." He tried to reply but she only pulled him in deeper, refusing to let him go until she had brought him to the point of begging for more, but smiled as she stepped away. "I've got to get to work."

When they immerged from the observation room they encountered Detective Charles. "Oh, Rick, it's good to see you. I was actually just going to call you. We got a trace on the call that tipped Beckett, here, off on the murder; we had to follow it through a few different districts and a computer but we got it and it turned out that the phone belongs to Vanessa's ex-husband. So we spoke to him this morning and he said that he was at a party in the Hamptons when he saw the two of you leaving together… he has a history of violent psychotic breaks, that's actually the reason she wrote up for filing for divorce. It looks like you found the one girl at the party with a mentally unstable ex-husband who was there. Next time you might want to ask Beckett to do a back ground check for things like that, since you seem to know how to pick them so well."

Rick thanked her for the update on the case and turned to Kate as she walked towards her desk. "You know, I think she's right, I really should give that a try… What do you think of doing a background on yourself for me? I really should know if there are any ex-husbands or ex- lovers that might want to frame me for murder."

She only smiled the same smile she had used when she threatened to break his legs if he ever called her his muse again. "Oh, I don't know about framing you for murder… Sorensen would probably just kill you and be done with it." She looked thoughtful for a moment and nodded to herself as if she had just reached the conclusion that what she had said was correct before returning to her paper work.

"Oh, Ha-Ha, very funny…he wouldn't though, would he?" Kate didn't even bother to hide the smile he brought to her face. _'Oh, yeah, it was good to have him back.'_

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* * *

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A/N: Okay, so what do you guys think?_  
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